Micah: My world is a freakshow minus the conspicuous freaks.

2006-04-06T13:46:00.000+08:00

*Lonely people.

**PS for the lonely.

***The thing about Paris Hilton.

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There is someone that would always think that the joker is plastic coated.

Lonely people spin my world around.

The people who have forgotten to let their own divinity creep out of their fingers and mouth.

The people who seem to have lost their sense of the world more than I did.

These people who grab me when they can't find anyone else.

(I know lots and I talk to lots of OTHER people. This doesn't mean it's YOU or just you.)

It's only in my head that I get tired with that of the one that creates the greatest hoarse-grip in me.

(...write about this, think about it... then you just hit lines one to three.)

I am lonely, too. It's just that I don't really bother so much on dragging the others down along. I can manage with what is left in me.

Some of these lonely people can't. And those who belong in that context; I cannot take anymore.

The wish derivative for the evanescence of their pain is me when they can't get anything else. The words only strut the lacerations of their soul, and it hits me.

Narrow people do not find the difference between the hurt because of truth and the hurt because of finding out that someone has a vague world view resulting to a loss of compassion towards the sponge of their frustrations just because they (the one with a vague view) had lost touch of objectiveness.

(If you think I am immature, then be considerate enough to let that be my excuse.)

If you think it's you, give yourself three reasons how it could be you.

If you are able to think of three, slap yourself with these line before you let your self fume out with anger, "Shit, it IS true. This is the hurt because of truth!"

Micah's pissed.

It is not because of you, the-person-who-knows-what-I-call-this-smiley --> ", . Not you. You never really make me angry.

***

I just heard that Paris Hilton is said to play the role of Mother Theresa.

I will commit a fallacy by deducting the other information which I haven't heard yet to get rid of the possibility that the statement would end up un-hilarious.

WAHAHAHAHAH! Now we can laugh! Oh, Paris!

2006-04-02T05:13:00.000+08:00

imgfromhere

Summer Swings.

It's been days since I started sleeping early, waking up late at night and waking up again as early as four in the morning.

The bad thing about summer is when you have no where to go to and are too lazy to lift your butt up; you will get bored.

Sooner or later they will send me to a mental institution and would be diagnosed with schizoprenia for catching me talking alone, dancing alone and laughing alone.

What's so bad about that? Don't we all do it?

Anyway, I'll be renovating myself due to quite an utter dissatisfaction and boredom, well, they are pretty much the same thing in one way or another.

My psych is so hyped up with neurocizing stuff, which is good. I've been feeling like only my right brain is working, so I do math stuff, since I did not do any of it this school year.

I was having a pseudo-House-marathon yesterday.( A great show with lots of medical terms.)

My sister flattered me when she was making me watch the show. So I did.

There lines regarding pain, reality, lots about the nature of people to lie and the existence of God.

Then I wondered, can reality be wrong? Such an ironic question; Duh, it IS reality. But heck.

There was this line that Dr. House said, "All truths start with lies."

True, but it can go the other way around.

See, I view things like that like working opposites, not pretty much like the Yin-Yang, though.

Realities cannot exist without fantasies somewhere, trying to stick in with what are true.

The good is nothing if it is all there is in the very beginning that we are already able to comprehend on what it is.

Pretty is nothing when ugly's not there. (Don't take that into the hardcore physical image thru human eyes.)

Sarcastic people who speak of what's true without minding other people amaze me. Sometimes I wish I am that way.

***

I feel slightly disappointed (more for myself, maybe.) when I am put into a better level because the people don't know anyone else better.

Thanks, anyway.

***

Liberty exists in the presence of options or choices.

The norms or dogmas could stop me from coloring my hair, but I have the choice to break or follow.

Thus, I am free.

(An order: Do not sneer.)

(But you have a choice.)

2006-03-30T18:15:00.000+08:00

Beautiful People (yeah yeah)

Mahal kong Einstein-iii ng batch 2005-2006,

(Dahil love ko kayo at pakiramdam ko ay mamimiss ko kayo kung hindi tayo magkakasama next school year...)

(Last day... ng aking pagiging Einstein-iii...technically. Kagabi lang nag-sink in sakin na baka next school year iba-iba na tayo ng section.)

Sa lahat, salamat. lahat tayo ay nagkaron ng pagtutulungan; sa homeworks, projects,
activities, quizzes at seatworks at pati na rin recitation. Salamat sa mga shared ninyong mga sagot, directly at indirectly, at sa mga naiturong lessons.

Sa mga panahong ginago natin ang mga presentation, salamat kase nagagawa pa nating tumawa. Kahit ang grade ay sakto sa passing o one point lang ang taas sa passing grade, basta pag may tumawa, ayos na yun!

Sa lahat ng mga namigay ng pagkain, inumin, papel, scotch tape, glue...
Nagpahiram ng gunting, ballpen, nagpautang ng pera... Salamat.

Sa lahat ng flattery at suporta, salamat.

Sa pakikisama ng direkta man o hindi, salamat.

Sa pakikinig at pakikiramay, salamat.

Sa asar, salamat.

Basta salamat sa pagiging classmate.

NEXT YEAR ULIT! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Pasensya na sa mga upuan ninyong nasulatan ko.

Sa mga pwestong nadumihan ko.

Sa mga bag na natapakan ko.

Sa mga papel na nagkaron ako ng kuntribusyon na magdudulot ng pagakaubos nito.

Pasensya sa mga hindi ko naibigay sa mga groupworks, lalo na sa Math, Stat at Physics.

At pasensya sa mga bagay na hindi ko naipapamigay o naipapahiram.

At sa kung sino man na na-offend ko sa kung anong dahilan.

Pero sana next year, hindi na tayo kasing tamad natin ngayun. Nakakpanghinayang dahil alam naman natin na kung gugustuhin naten eh kaya natin. Hindi yung nakikipaglokohan tayo sa mga sarili natin... na sinasayang ang ating mga kakayahan! Duhbuh?!?

Salamat din sa mga diskusyunang mapanuligsa.

Kahit na inaayawan tayo ng teacher, basta masaya pa rin tayo.

Sinu ba naman ang makakagwa ng paglabas ng salamin ng classroom para lang madetect kung may parating nang teacher?

Ano ba namang klase ang tatalo sa pagkastar-studded naten?

May Dino Guevarra, Yasmien Kurdi, Toni Gonzaga, Jasmine Trias, Sam Milby, Pia Guanio, Polo Ravales, Vic Sotto, Pepe Smith, Enchang, Gessele Sanchez, Jo En Sung, Sisa, McCoy, Jojo, Jean Garcia, Victor Basa, Jolina Magdangal, Bea Alonzo at Rolando Navarette? Idagdag pa natin si Kim Sam Soon at Heart Evangelista, may Gabriella Ponti pa... starlet nga lang (joke, Gabby! haha!). At si Elias!

Sino din ang tatalo sa pagiging henyo natin sa pagiimprovise? Tsk... Ang kawayang ginagawang TV! (Naalala niyo yung Gwen Steffani act ni The sa English?)

Kahit na ang flag natin ay tinulugsa... ayos lang! Nagawa pa rin nating ipagdukdukan sa mukha ng mga tao ang K.A.L o Ang Kapatirang Anak Lupa kahit ako mismo ay nahiya.

Tayo din ay ang nagmamay ari ng pinakamagandang wall clock na ang tanging isinisigaw ay... "MATH TIME!" kahit na pinagbabato na ng mga teacher... Go pa ren ang pagmamahal natin sa Math.

Salamat dahil kahit pano, hindi tayo takot na magmukhang panget. Ang saya eh. Dalawang beses ba naman tayong nagmukhang albularyong ewan.

Salamat!

Mahal ko ang Einstein-III. Gusto ko, Einstein ulit ako.

Dito nakakita ako ng taong matalinong gago, matalinong ewan, tahimik na bully, mukhang bully pero pusong mamon, tatahi-tahimik pero anlakas pumorma sa love-dovvy, taong hindi daw nakakamiss pero paulit-ulit magkwento, lalaking nagcocontrol ng hangin, dakilang magikero na nagrerequest ng isang araw na palugit para matupad ang kanyang magic, mga magikerong ang galing galing talagang magpaikot, taong may ubod ng daming katauhan, obsessive compulsive na magulo, lalaking napakadaming alam na beauty tips, lalaking kahit nagprepresent sa pinoy ay pumoporma, lalaking nagrerecommend ng facial centers, taong gumagawa ng pictures ng nagbabasketball na masamang elemento, at mga taong may orihinal na pamamaraan ng pangongopya at ang mga sugarol pa pala.

Salmat sa inyo...

Next year sana tayo-tayo pa ren... Waaaaaah!

Godbless!

;)

2006-03-27T17:05:00.000+08:00

maybe you wonder

why the thirteenth of november

when cosmic kisses emancipate from your sinned lips

and detained deranged psychosis callow as your ribs

of exposure bellow with their heads up to the sky.

i do not know either, i do not know why.

underneath this delusion

is nothing

but everything

there is

when you came

as you are

wihout knowing when

and how.

***

For those who are attempting to figure out what there is about the thirteenth of November; there is nothing to find out.

2006-03-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

image from wherever

Saying sorry is not a tradition at home, we all just kiss-and-makeup out of the blue sans the apologies.

***

The citadel of being human is a convoluted path nobody has made a map of convincing enough for me to believe in and to take by heart.

I am well aware of the fact that many people have disenfranchised views and think they are right though they seem to be very wrong. Blaming them is pointless though; it's the best that they know.

We have our ways to get through things. The ideals concerning the society that a person has don’t make him a good one. It's the ways he acts on it.

There are many cases in which the good goes straight down to the muck of never ending contradictions because the thought of what is great for a person isn't what's inside the heads of other people who only see the surface and are inflicted by the external factors that makes a society, a society... I can't blame them either.

Existence is confusing.

We can get wrong for doing something we think is right. But heck, does wrong and right even exist?

The truths we see are products of the tempestuous factors that make-up who we are. (This is subjective.)

***

Oh... Splendid.

I don't hate the world. I just wonder and wander.

2006-03-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

(...ang entry na ito ay walang kwenta... gusto ko lang mag-tagalog dahil ayokong

maging masahol pa sa malansang isda. haaaar! :D)

Kagatin mo ang MANSANAS...

(Bite the apple... and kick

Adam's Adam's apple.)

...smell da pish. It's fishy, baby.

(imahe mula sa kung anu man) kumagat ka na ba?

Nang kagatin ni Eba at Adan ang mansanas mula sa puno dun sa harding kinalulugaran nila... (dahil hindi ko matranslate sa tagalog...konyo effect.) Nagkaron ng isang malagim na kalugmukan ng diwa.

"SHAAAWKS!"

Ako naman ay kakagat din sa mansanas... sa loob ng kalugmukan ng diwang ito na dulot ng pagkagat ni Eba at Adan sa pulang prutas na sagana sa katas sa ika-(hindi ko na mabilang) na pagkakataon.

Dahil masarap ito... lalo na pag may asin.

"HMMMM! Delicious, my precious!"

Kahit may ahas pang sumulpot nung una sa puno na aking pinitasan, wala akong pakealam. Basta ang sarap ng mansanas.

At hindi ko tinutukoy ang sex, kung yan ang inaakala niyo. (hindi ko ito sinabi dahil nagkukunwari ako na hindi sex ang tinutukoy ko, sinasabi ko ito dahil ayon sa ibang mga tao, ang pagkagat daw nila Eba at Adan sa mansanas ay sumisimbolo sa sex.)

Hulaan niyo kung ano ang mansanas. Kagat na!

...naaamoy mo? malansaaaaaaaa.

2006-03-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

Geekazoid.

I wish I am a...
But they are born, not made. Seriously.
***
A Poopy Business.

While inside my lovely "ride" (yeah pimp it up!) , - the tricycle, I had this sudden burst of an image in my head with me posing in front of the fresh dog poop on the street. It's fresh, man. It makes you wonder whether it's hot or not.

***
..........now what?

Oftentimes, it's hard to find what we already have. What's normal for a humanoid is not good enough for him, though it maybe a praise and hail worthy piece of heaven.

They say that man is never content, which is good. Hunger is a lot of improvement parading to tease and entice.

It's a caricature of what you're not that you just love to love. Enticing, luscious, such a pain, but it's good.

I have something against plain contentment (PLAIN CONTENTMENT, ok) . Kill the idea, its a jar specially made for yourself when you give in.

I can't really say that we are created just to search nor to tarry, but simply life has lots of space for growth.

It's too big for us to just stop on a spot leaning for the same wall and wandering on the same ground.

Hunger and desire is the fire that burns and pushes us on the gutter of our own depths, it even lets us to free fall, for good.

The rocking of the mystery that binds the unknown creates more rattles in the territories we step in. It's more ground breaking than what contentment gives.

I will not dare to touch issues regarding the purpose of our existence, because I have no strong idea about it. If I have, then I'd just let it all loose like a madman, but I don't.

It's just that, life's too big for us to just stare at it and not consume free passes for it's mysticism.

Some people look for meaning ('Some' since I'm pretty sure that not all are asking why they breathe.), and maybe like them, I find the answers very hard to find. When I try to comprehend things as they are and even deeper, there are times that the path to the answers divide with almost equal points.

Contentment can work well in a different way; contentment for going for the positive aspects of things, -not contentment for the same sky or star that swathes us with survival, we should get better, without losing touch of our non-self centered ideals.

...It shouldn't also sway for what's worse than the mediocre.

(Yuck. haha!)

2006-03-16T17:43:00.000+08:00

Luck...
(as they call it.)

It's nothing more than the vapor of my saliva in the morning before I even do anything.

It's almost non-prerequisite after I've done things . It's a mere term used for something by someone left out wordless.

(... Luck= MY LODGING AREA TO FILL THE BLANKS IN WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TERM FOR WHAT I GOT MYSELF.)

It's for bigots who scare themselves off holding on to the idea that they can't creep out with the wine.

2006-03-14T19:07:00.000+08:00

My thoughts are in an annoying cyclic state.

I need diversion badly.

It's like I've reached the end of the linear condition of my thoughts, and it went into a circle running... and running out of new things.

It's tiring.

They get regurgitated after, for I cannot stand them, but still... I feel the need to write them down.

***

People tend to be really irrational for the attainment of things that they cannot really get

under unfavorable circumstances.

It's merely psychological, and maybe it is fair to say that it is very human too.

We often have a picture in our heads, and when it gets all buried under the muck of disappointment, we barge in to the dormancy of other things. It becomes utterly annoying, -seems pathetic, too.

We have various choices for the dethronement of our impaired and morphed-into-a-very-diabolical-pride, but weakness often comes in and pricks our feet until we resort to the stupid decision to detain the object of our frustration in our furious or in a lesser sense, hurt human hands.

2006-03-12T16:03:00.001+08:00

(Because of what happened this Sunday at Quiapo...)

Things done for the sake of obliging are merely apples hanging on a tree trying to compromise for Isaac Newton's story with their species in it.

(Often I rely to the cynical, and I will once again.)

How ugly and it is when you are treated based on the Moral Laws of the society, without the person knowing why and/or without the person not getting the geist of the action.

Inside the jeepney, I wallowed with my sight buried on my book trying to contemplate for what crumbled in me.

This may be called Karma for everything I left.

But if this is what it takes to be myself and be more self reliant without having to rely to the fake barriers put up by the society, then Karma it is.

***

I've become very condescending for the people who do not know any better. And I stood alone.

I wasn't born to be dependent. Nobody can stand up for me but myself.

2006-03-05T08:07:00.000+08:00

It's not that I'm a phony; I just don't really speak words that would sound smart in somewhat existentialism deprived issues.

There are times that I'd love to talk, but the sentences that are to be dropped by my mouth wouldn't fit perfectly in the rush of "thoughts" given out in the conversation so simply, I resort to silence and smiles, plus averting eyes.

If only my fists were harmless, then it would dive in to my chest by my own choice and grab the source of my thoughts where I feel it. (as if thoughts are tangible.... dur, forgive the metaphor.)

Now I feel stupid for not being able to speak of thoughts that I care for and I know enough for me to share and elaborate without feeling the possibility of obstruction of ideas in my brain for having a very weak stance.

I know, open mouths do not always prove the intellect of people, and I know that sometimes it is in laconic speaking where we could find the depth and sense, but knowing that not everyone are smart enough to find that truth true enough to believe in is what's bothering.

I just can't help giving a damn for what other people think of me. And that's pathetic. pathetic-->favorite word. Now I have to look in to the thesaurus for its synonyms.

Maybe I am subconsciously a phony, trying to make up for what the society demands. Whoa! That is SCURRY. I'm like a Barbie minus the blonde hair, the perfect figure, and the gorgeous fake-o face! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

"I don't want to be a stupid girl....." -Pink, Stupid Girl

***

How deep is deep enough?

What will suffice for the definitions of what we speak?

Thoughts aren't like palms that would leave the eyes of the reader to give infinite possibilities and lies. What's in the head that goes out of the mouth is conspicuous enough to let less than 5 possible facts that would either make or break whatever it could.

When we are faced by something that we know could mean something, the obvious is not as easy to shrug off like that of the lines of your hand or the symmetry of your face.

How deep is deep enough?

The mind could leave a harsher reality for those who care about it more than to the beauty of the face or the body. Frustrating it is when one is not appreciated for his or her thoughts just because it's not simple enough to be grasped by the breathing ridiculous.

But how deep is deep enough?

I don't know, but now it feels like it is not of enough depth to satisfy my expectations.

2006-02-28T19:53:00.000+08:00

Fiona Apple's hot.I'm no lesbo. But she's hot. -Love her in her `96 video!

(SENSELESS ENTRY.)

2006-02-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

What happens when your stomach lining gets corroded by gastric acids?

You'll get peptic ulcer.

Really?

Yuh.

I have minor insomnia(if there is such a minor insomnia) and I hate it. I'll get ulcer after this because I have not eaten anything yet.

The Filipino soldiers are going crazy! Like, what's up Pinas?!?

I don't get 100% what's happening right now.

Call for People Power, give a stupid reason and make me laugh. Send me a popcorn, I'll watch you at EDSA.

People are selfish. Think about things over and over again. Think of what you really want. Damn, what's good for a certain group of people doesn't mean that it is what every Filipino needs.

Many of you demand for things that would only satisfy you and your family. You call it for the Filipino people, but actually it is just for you! It's for your desire for a new a car, house and a ticket somewhere else in the world! You do not care for the Filipino people! You care for yourself!

You=the politial leaders who diabolically stupify the weaker kind and wish for fatter bank accounts. I am not generalizing, okay.

You=The rallyists who shout for the sake of shouting. The rallyists who hasten their moves without thinking of what really the country needs right now. I am not generalizing, okay.

You=The powerful men with selfish aims. I am not generalizing, okay.

We have destroyed the essence of People Power, now we can call it a habit! PATHETIIIIIIIC!

2006-02-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

this is my, "ASK-ME-TO-DANCE-FACE" taken
in the middle of the dancing people... wild dancing...
not the romantic type.

I am writing this down as my heart skinny dips in blood due to my depressing Junior Prom experience.

Knowing that I have no lovelife has been accepted by almost everything that comprises my existence, but still the feeling of not being asked for a dance by anybody is deprecating.

Hopeless. I was hopeless. Well, I wanted to dance with the last song playing with someone I like-like, but since there is none that I like-like that asked me, I just sat hopeful. I even asked the Lord to make something sweet happen!

Like, I stood on the dancefloor and I remember actually closing my eyes and asking God to make something happen. But none did. NOOOOONE!

There was nothing sweet for me. NOTHING!

If not because of my own initiative, most probably only one would ask me for swinging and waist hugging, and to think that was made obligatory by moi!

Dude, prom is depressing when you are not the most likeable female, especially if you are barely a lass, and more of a KOBOY.

Prom, oh prom.

Nobody like-likes me.

I'm not mean. I'm just not lovely. Haha! Overly derogatory! Charing. errr...whatever.

I'm just really unhappy about the fact that nobody asked me to dance.

I was throwing myself to the boys! My golly! Too desperate was I!

Things I don't like about prom:

1. Make-up. I'm not used to it. It's aging.

2. Not having someone who'd ask you to dance.

3. Walking and stepping to your gown.

4. People finding you pretty just because of things brought up by the event.

I just want to let go of the fact that nobody asked me to dance and turn into a non-stop lateral thinker and whatever-you-call-the-other-thing-I-am-thinking-of.

Shet. So kawawa and petty naman this issue I have!

2006-02-23T19:05:00.000+08:00

Often we turn to blindess just to keep ourselves from getting hurt. It works for a while though... for a while... just for a while.

***
I sort of find the coming prom boring.

Dur.

This morning... I did not go to school since I am aware that all I'd get there is downright boredom due to the scheduled prom practice... and...

1. I thought I've gone crazy.
2. I formulated theories concerning alien abduction. For quite a while I thought I was a victim. Like, they've erased some of my memories close to what happened in the movie "The Forgotten," and unfortunately, the deleted memories include where I found this certain article with pretty close-up shots of girls. I wasn't gaga for the girls, but for the possible prom ideas I could get from them. Dur, I'm no lesbo.
3. I was mad because of kili-kili wax and Veet.
4. I had this urge to walk and walk to burn fat, be inspired and write poems, and feel cool.

This afternoon I...

1. Went to SM and gave some people a smart-aleck look.
2. Read some books at National and Goodwill.
3. Was happy not hearing the beeping sound of shops I get in and out of. Some people know that I have this little trauma with freakin' shop detectors. They always beep whenever I pass by but I don't really get anything and go out of the shops without paying! Stupid thingies.
4. Listened to 80's tracks and mushy music at Tower Records.

This evening...

1. I read a psychiatry book and learned about Enuresis. Shet, I forgot the terms.
2. I felt like there's a ghost near me.
3. I thought I was crazy again. Shet, Micah's a schizo!
4. There will be more coming on my way...

2006-02-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

So okay, I was depressed.

I rushed to National Bookstore to get some good old warmth from books.

Bull shit. I don't like it whenever I feel stupid. Who does?

Anyway, at times like this, I just can't help but remember Bo Sanchez. I need his book!

The emotional pit I currently am in, or where I was, entrances my feet to go to the self help books section.

As I was walking, I silently welcomed myself and the people in the same area, "WE ARE ALL PATHETIC!" I thought.

ASSSSSSHIT.

2006-02-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

I think ants are feasting on the very little flesh left of me.

Anyway, my adorable cousin named Jeje was attempting to fly minutes ago, and I'm not very sure if he still is...

Jeje, acting like Icarus. (though I did not read my mythology book when I was in my first year higschool, I know Icarus!) [We don't have aboslute freedom since we have to abide with the rules of nature. And under its rules, humans can't just fly whenever they want. But I'm not saying we're not free. I won't elaborate it now... I'll give my point later. Not in this entry.]

I just know when he does something wrong. Now we have a secret; he broke the fragile canine display that stands under the television in the sala. I exploited his innocence afterwards and took advantage of his cuteness. Good grief, I have an entry because of Jeje!

That's not poo, it's the fragile canine with a disembodied paw.

This morning I read about growth and development on my sister's bargained psychology book when she was still in college. At age 1-3, shame develops in the brains of the kids, when of course, they are sorta reasonably develop-able, get me? So I thought, there was something wrong that happened when I was about 3 years old that made me this way. WTF.

***

I maybe suffering from hypochondria.

I think I'm psychologically ill, and I also think I have an unknown-but-more-bodily-disorder, since my lips have been in drought for more than 3 days already.

I don't want to rely on lip balms anymore, they are not helping that much. My mom gives me apples more often knowing that it helps in supplying liquids in our body, but my lips are still drying out. Man, what's wrong?!?

I think I'm thinner than before, but I eat! I eat and eat!

***

Anonimity would help me to feel satisfied. I have to fly away some place else and be a nobody trying to work on her conversational skills and her existential pleasures.

Diabolic thoughts came into my head again. And I think, I want new... *bleep bleep so no one gets hurt*

2006-02-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

DUGYOT AKO, AND AYLABBIT!!!

***
Based on my wobbly observation, and by wobbly I meant it has a very poor basis, I'd say that
people who can do outrageous things and have the ability to hide behind their hair are weirdly victims of a poor self esteem.

I take myself as an example, --->narcissist.

I can try to do my scenes in front of people I barely know, but when asked to do something I am not known of doing even though I have the awareness that I can do such an act, I cringe.

That is the reason behind why I concluded that I have a selective type of a personality. I act based on how people know me, when of course, I am aware of their idea.

I'm scared. This one's petty but it sucks.

***

According to the book I denoted as evil, when we can't get something we want, we have to despise it. The continuous interest intended for such is a total waste of time eating up the best of you or the potentiality you have within to be great.

Surely, it isn't very agreeable if taken as a person of hypocritical cliches.

It isn't very agreeably either if taken in the perspective of a person raised in such an optimistic environment, given rainbow colored views regarding the state of this chaotic, but wonderful world. Haha!

Honestly, I only agree on the idea whenever I feel like it's agreeable.

Pathetic me, I have no firm position.

2006-02-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

Drown.
Weirdly unpretentious.
Cupid, make my lovelife a little less more insipid, puhleeze!
Wind Burnt Lips!

Drown.

I am afraid that I may be becoming shallow due to the lacking of the "deepness factors" I currently am experiencing or maybe the extinction of it.

I am hungry to learn more of existentialism and realities.

Pessimistic ideas also help.

Sometimess I don't like it when I am happy. I lose my potential subjects.

Being a surface scanner is one of my worst nightmares. Lack of depth is pathetic and horrifying.

It is so boxed up with things that just show up somewhere like, there are a lot more things about the world aside from what the clown in the forest that just pops up show from the back of your ears.

Things are not just things, they mean something.

I'd rather drown, than dwell on things that are quenched with depth.
***
Weirdly unpretentious.

Loeb Glasses. from..wherever.

I feel unworthy and deceptive. Having new bifocals with Lisa Loeb-like frames, I seem to be smarter than I am.

Insecurity bites.

The sad fact that I suck at Math, Physics and Chemistry makes me feel like a deceptionist having a facade of a smart lass.

I swallowed my somehow religious idea of intellect. But hey, it's back in my mouth. Yehey!

Honesty issues are things I am weirdly sensitive about. Yeah I lie, yeah I cheat, but not gravely...

I'm not the most honest person in the world, but I could be just a few notch lower with the person who holds that title. Haha!

Wearing fake thinsg with conspicuous tags are one of my adversaries. I feel like a lier parading my clothes with a fake brand when I get into the idea.

See... I'm weird.

I'd rather wear cheap clothes than those with heavy brands that are fake.

***
Cupid, make my lovelife a little less more insipid, puhleeze!

Tomorrow, we'll just count the people in red, and drool over the fact that we are getting nothing for the day.

And maybe we'd wonder why we never get something from people we like on the 14th of February.

Valentine's day just make some people sad, being empty handed at the end of the day.

See, sweet things are morphing, tangy stuff.

***

Wind Burnt Lips!

from wherever.

Having burnt lips, probably because of dehydration, I pitied the soldiers who were one of the Death Marchers. Really. Not only they got hungry, but for sure they got their lips popping out with blood due to dehydration and it hurts, man! And they died, too... (stupid entry)

2006-02-11T07:13:00.000+08:00

making faces with straws... trying to look cool. Wahaha!

"The Mush Pit" at QueSci... nice stray light!

imahe namin noong gabi, sa ilalim ng kumot.

(the last image) taken at about 1am... we were having our very own pageant held at our wonderfully designed stage... my sister's bed.

GoodMorning:

Andito si Rina...

Rina ano ang masasabi mo?

Micah, inexploit mo ang aking pagkatao. Bakit mo ako pinicturan ng tulog? Pero ok lang yan, dahil ako'y maliligo na... mali mali, maghuhugas ng kung anu-ano lang pala.

typed by Rina, herself....

Andito din si Gabby...

Gabby ano ang masasabi mo?

Ang saya ng pinanood natin kagabi.... Prro inanantok pa ako.... Un lang Lugmok na ang diwa ko...

typed by Gabby, herself...

Ako naman...si Micah...

Ansaya nga ng napanood naten.... Viva Hot Babes... Nagpipintahan ng kanilang.... chuva! At.... lalaking natatamaan ng buko....na biglang naghahalucinate.

Ayan, malelate na kami for "GOD" rehersals... mamaya nako maglalagay ng may kwentrang entry....

2006-02-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

PartI: CALLING DR. PHIL!
PartII: DESERVING?

The unplanned trip of ate and I going to the bank yesterday gave me a craving for Bo Sanchez's book called, "Your Past Does Not Define Your Future," just this morning. I was able to read the first part of the book for a while while she was disucssing things with the head of BPI.

Now I know what's wrong with me. I have Shame Personality disorder.

But confusingly, I doubt whether a person should know his or her own malfunctions (wuuur). But whatever, I have that disorder.

Shame personality disorder is a proceeding effect of several or constant failures a person gets as he goes through living life whether with dead breaths or live ones.

The person with such a disorder feels scared in doing things, thinking that failure would correspond from his actions in relation to what had happened to him in the past.

I have it. I have it.

I need a Shrink to heal me. (whuut?)

I actually walked past through Self Help books at Gateway and I felt pathetic showing interest to them.

Do we really need Dr. Phil's books? And other "Boost Your Self-esteem," advices by psychologists?

Yeah, I think, but we do not have to entirely rely on them. I felt pathetic trying to seek for self improvement while I was in front of the shelves of such compilations. Maybe I am just inflicted by the American Humor striking Dr. Phil in Jack TV, haha!

***

Do I look like someone who needs cooling down?

Duuuhr.

My day's going to end, and now I feel sad.

While inside the trike, It seemed like I do not deserve the love and goodness I felt while I was in school. I was and still am touched by the people for the warmth they have given me this morning.

I wish I really deserve such a wonderful treatment.

*** NOW MY DAY's ENDING.... PEOPLE HERE NOW PISS ME OFF A BIT***

2006-02-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

This is my last night as a 14 year old girl.

And it is slightly sad to think of the fact that I am getting older again.

That is all. I'm wordless.

And sad.

I don't want to be older, but the numbers are irreversible.

2006-02-04T19:23:00.000+08:00

I wish I am not as scared as how I am now.

I just get so strucked when faced by people who are hailed by many for their fluency...

I wish it's easy to see one's effulgence.

People who are very good in showcasing who they are give me this image of them with beaming sunlight at their backs and laurel on their heads.

Dude, it's better to look weird and be true and sensible with a pinch of mystery, rather than be this someone pushing himself to fit in....pathetic.

***

Nakakalungkot ang mga namatay sa "Wowowee Anniversary." They went there to get some fun, but many died instead. Saad.

May they Rest in Peace.

2006-02-03T20:53:00.000+08:00

There are pouts of lips that are just not cute enough to make haters love or the gothics be clowns.

Well, that was an exagerration, but really, it pisses me off.

***

I am uninspired, blogger was late.

Tata!

2006-02-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

A Calvin Klein AD I edited for a more interesting entry...muwahaha!

"I AM UGLY AND PROUD!!!"-SPONGEBOB.

I feel bad regarding my physical appearance. I can't help but buy the idea of Spongebob and Patrick about shouting the phrase above.
***
Okay, so I am not much of the default settings of females.

Sometimes I wish I am the girly-girl type of person that wears pink, skirts and sandals, earrings and has her hair tied up so pretty and neat.

But no...

I am gay. I am a churvatic. I lack much of the makings of a lovely girl.

Just before Rina, Gabby and I got home, we decided to lessen our so called "below sea level greenery" ahaha! By that, we meant that we will not be the type of females who are very much open about topics that has something to do with green-boy-things.

We will not totally change and be girls acting how they should be in terms of our stereotypical image that attract males, but just be more of a girl.

Still, I will not wear so much of pink clothes. No sandals and skirts for me. No floral things. Bleeeeeh.

I'll just be more quiet on boy stuffs.

(I slightly hate pink for a silly reason I will not tell.)

It's nice to be a "KOBOY." I can manage to lay on cement grounds, search for frogs intended for dissection in QueSci's bushes, I really don't mind dirt on my uniform and koboys are more game in doing things such as wearing costumes for nothing (kahit level 1 lang). I am happy to be unlike many of the girls.

I don't want to be too girly. I hate it.

***

I can offer much and I can have much. I love hunger and desire. I got to be better for my pursuit for meaning and fulfillment. We all have to.

2006-01-31T22:22:00.000+08:00

I've got lots of things to mess around with.

But I choose to mess around with my own psyche. Possible?

Whatever.

Last night, I couldn't just shrug off the idea of my blow-ups which are almost non-existent because my sensitivity just severely lay on my aesthete not knowing when it should stop.

Often I pretend or fool around with myself, thinking that people really care, though nobody really does. The thought of people seeing what I am really made of, even my faults with the trivialities, piss me off for slightly a longer time than how it should.

Presently, I really am not as real as I could become. The possible boundlessness of my being an individual is less rated than how it is made.

I just thought, after having a certain likeness or seeing significance in a Korn member's words, that limitations should be set up, but they should not exist as a boundary between us and things that are actually of meaning.

I could be hating myself after seconds.

Eggs… paint 'em! Hug 'em!

2006-01-29T17:47:00.000+08:00

This is not a poem, okay.

Hatred for you...

And you.

I just feel like having the fondess for hatred...

DESPISE.

I have exploded. Irritated. Irritated. Tired. Irritated. But not badly.

It does not feel good to see your face especially if not only my shadow joins the parameter of the vague duplication of realityand its colored vestige with you in it. This is me... silently repulsed by your almost equally silent, reeking words.

***

Go figure. But don't bother worrying about this... You are not alone.

Maybe I am.

2006-01-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

What if I say, that you make my world feel smaller than it should be?

What if I say that you are turning into a demented being so suppressed by your ghosts?

I bet you'd be hurt.

I am tired.

And I want to be a l o n e. But I can't.

I wish I know better than this.

***

HATE ME... BUT STOP TALKING.

2006-01-28T20:44:00.000+08:00

Sa aking pagbabaliktanaw sa aking previous blog entries, katakot-takot na ka-olatsan (OLATS) ang aking napuna.

Pero diba, yung magagaling ngayon, ay dumaan muna sa pagka-olats? Haaay. Naiisip ko na ang aking panunulak sa sarili ay magdadala sakin sa tugatog ng tagumpay. HMBWAHAHAHAH! (kontrabida laughter)

Sige lang ng sige. Kakasya din ako sa isang kwalipikasyon ng kagalingan.

2006-01-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

PartI: Seryoso ko.
PartII: Hindi masyado. Pero mga 99%, oo. PROM.

PartI

The fluctuating presence of paranoia towards my ability to speak my mind and express what's within me is an enmity that pulls me from what I could possibly do.

I just thought, seconds ago, that I should not be listening to people. Their ideas that are not supposed to harm actually diffuse in the liquids of my system and turn into skill-sucking leeches.

Fug-em.

Probably, my subconscious grabs these ideas and then turns gold into rust.

I now should despise compliments for my skills.

I seem to comply with fallacies or the unproven.

This is a weakness that should be dismissed for it can never do me good, or maybe it could, but now, it is not.

The light of inspiration is so meek to me, I can barely see it. It's barely a crease of light peeping on the door.

I can't blame people who say things that don't really mean anything to them, but it's almost non-existent effect mutates after a certain reaction takes place.

I want to generalize, so I will:

After hearing a certain idea, but because of the fact that we can't really care more about it, we shrug it off. Then comes the time that that idea applies to what's happening to us now, we suddenly suck it all up and suddenly take it by heart. It happens and it sucks.

But maybe, it happens to people like me with no certainties or with wobbly ones.

Whenever we are on a weak ground, it's not hard to fall for a thing that could be our last resort or for things that are more accessible, for we are too scared or exausted for anything more.

***
PartII

I know I won't get a date, well I'm not really looking for one, but I want a sweet moment that could call the ants underground and make them line their colony up in front of the area where I am and the whoever who'd do something really mushy for moi on prom night.

Call my lovelife desolate.

Oh, prom.

I'd just take pictures, be a cowboy in my gown and under the make-up.

Sheesh.

On the brighter side, being dateless on prom is like, less boring.

It means that I won't have to stick with a single person.
I'd be able to dance with the boys of my life.

I have talked to my boy friends to dance with me. Some I warned to get ready for my knock-kneeying and weakening hotness.

Har, har!

Also without a date, I can roam around the place, hug the posts and pose for my blog entry the next day! Haha!

Or, or... I can be less conscious of my make-up. I don't like 'em.

Prom's boring.

But heck, I'm excituhhhd.

2006-01-25T18:07:00.000+08:00

image from... k-maru. ewan ko kung sinu un.

This morning...it rained or rather, drizzled semi-heavily.

I acted stupid because anger got the best of me. Heck, I did not know that an umbrella was actually inside my bag, I was disappointed with my mom, so I left the house and decided to go away with madness singing me a lullaby while shouting "PRIDE MO!" (geez... that "ANGER" surely is multi-tasking...ahaha!). The oblivion caused me to be highschool-girl-FHMly wet, by that I meant that the degree of wetness due to the downfall of the semi-heavy drizzle wasn't really that bad.

Hmm... Anger:

*Triggered by our inability to get what we want.
*One of the workings of frustration.
*A product of insecurity.
*A shadow of loss.

***

The people who talk cliches (literally and not) scare me. They don't get me, and I don't understand why.

2006-01-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

I've heard the suppression of desires thingy of Gautama Buddha when I was in 2nd year highschool, and there I was sitting improperly and uncomfortably on my numbered seat during siesta hour about 5 hours ago, reading about it again.

Buddha says that the roots of our sins are inordinate desires. I agree. I always agree on the teachings of these philosophers! Grrrh.

Honestly, I can't raise an argument for his beliefs, YET. I haven't pondered much about it. Not hard.

The Wu Wei of Lao Tzu says that we should do what we can and the rest should be provided to the Highest among all.

Buddha says we have to let go of the trivial things to achieve happiness.

See, we have things like the hunger for beauty, power, recognition, and wealth. Sometimes, I just find them cheap. Futile.

What we do is strive for the sake of our pride, this is so cliche, but success is void without others benefitting for the good out of it.

Beauty is cheap, but we die for it. We have this fake idea of perfection that we long for. What do we want out of beauty? Recognition? Other than that, what do you want out of beauty aside from your own esteem's nirvana(haha)?

We really run for the wrong things and the wrong reasons.

What I like about Western Asia's Religions are its teachings that bring the glamour out of simplicity.

The lack of sensibility of lots of things draping with synthetic importance that we can actually live without have been a great part of the people's sense of existence.

In the middle of 2005, I actually thought of changing my religion. For weeks I did not attend church for my idea of the bogus wafting on my religion and my lack of appreciation for its teachings.

We can really act dumb sometimes on choosing what we live our lives with.

I won't say that it's easy to let go of things we grew up with...you know.... the ideas and stuff. chububuhbuhbuh.

2006-01-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...

So much for digging deep for something that says something.

While reading poetry, I was thinking that not all of them are things we can have a clear idea of. Different interpretations would be given by the reader depending upon their mental capacity(oo nga) or experience.

But it is a bit frustrating for me to get exactly what the poet feels while he writes. (I will never know what exactly they meant...tsk!)

The beauty of poetry is that it shows what is vague but ironically, the conjugated words are strewn covered with a disguise. Amazing.

2006-01-20T18:54:00.000+08:00

"Andameng nabubuntis ngayon"
-Rina

Engaging in sexual activities before marriage should go out of my way, if not, I should be the one to go out of its poorly circumscribed territory.

Being a parent at a young age is a thing I find to be very tragic.

Youth is just too beautiful to let go of.

It's hard to be your own baby (getttts?), while taking care of something you made somewhere...naked. (WILD CHILD!)

Meaning...

I used to be so addicted with finding meaning out of the most minuscule things. It makes me think, feel smart, and stuffs that could raise me up swinging on air.

But it is tiring to decipher things that are not supposed to be unraveld..

Man.

It is Paolo Coelho's fault.

But.....

It is better to think than to just watch things go by, without knowing what's supposed to be filtered out of the pack.

People are lonely, at least the one I walked for about 3 seconds with.

After watching "Little Manhattan" at Gateway with Justin and Lisette, we walked on the cinema lobby and a 5osomething man was by my side singing the song "In my life" from the movie's soundtrack, and I just thought that people are sad. (Hasty Generalization! A FALLACY, I know.)

There was a certain look or aura of sadness drawn on his face looking directly at things in front, while singing the song with a bittersweet tone.

Letting go of the past...

That could be what he was doing.

It's just friggin' sad.

***

I thought the previous entry sucked so I just drafted it.

***
Give me a friggin' antique typewriter!
***

2006-01-16T17:43:00.000+08:00

Gabby made that for me without saying anything about it. Thank you Gabby-doy!

And...

that is all for now.

...oh, shackelschipanggito!

2006-01-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

Your departure has always been delayed.

**Shift***

Take a peak inside our candid world!

Gulong palad... nyahaha!

Anghel na Walang Langit...

King-Kong's Angels

***

There are many things we can do in a day. It is up to us to tarry on null ground and wait for shadows to come and go until few chances are left or walk on and do something.

There are better ways to become happy aside from pursuing things that only us benefit. I do not want to be some other person walking on air, so engulfed by hollowness, that the the journey seems more unreal than it really is.

Some happiness are more real without laughter.

Thank you Selah for the greatest wave of hand.

***

...And the Kongs.

***

First time ko mag-jeep mag-isa kanina! Yeah!

2006-01-13T20:00:00.000+08:00

"Ang sarap tumawid ng sabay-sabay, lalo na kung may kaakbay at kahawak kamay."

-Sabi ng isang guwardiya ata ng SM na nag reregulate ng mga tumatawid.

My papa works at the United States for more than 1 year now. While watching a documentary on GMA 7, I was quite sad to hear from the very mouths of the Filipinos, who managed to survive because of the green bills the US of A brings, the words that state that it is because of America that they got what they wanted.

Poverty here in the country is the major reason why the head of the family chooses hastily to go out of his homeland and work in the presence of the blue eyed folks.

I do not blame these people for leaving, in fact, I can say that we cannot manage to live a life we have now that is absolutely better than before when we were still burried in lots of debts, if he did not bite in to Americas luscious offer.

It is not easy to survive in a country so impoverished because of the rogues of its greatest institution.

Seeing someone you love leave, going off to a place more than a thousand miles away is a sad scene to look back to.

Really, it is not thoroughly nice to hear that people survive and become satisfied in a place which is not theirs.

I do not know when the trend that coaxes longing in different families' system here in the Philippines would stop, but I hope that soon it will.

I do not know when the bill-minded leaders would stop, but I am sure that many things are rough because of them.

2006-01-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

Dhemple, kung sino ka man, love ka daw ni Edwin.

Nakuha ko ang perang yan nang suklian ako sa Country Style.

Yun lang muna. Wala pako sa mood.

2006-01-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

When imbecility strikes, laugh it all off.

This photo was taken at the old Cubao. (L: Me, R: Rina)

In between Cubao's ukay clothes.

I, fooling around with Mr. Toy Soldier at Gateway mall.

Damn those phantoms eating my essential ghost. But no, I am good, I do not wish for their damnation, for real.

I love the old Cubao better than the new one. I get bored while in Gateway, really. I prefer the stench of Philippines' streets outside the airconditioned malls of lucrative architectures like that of Gateway.

Absolutely, there were better finds at the shoe expo area, and I felt my heritage more.

Walking past the mold infested walls and seeing people not that of the higher class are better than looking at the pampered people inside the polished building meters away.

It seems like it is easier to be happy when you realize where you really are. (go down deep, dooohd.)

I laughed alot that day, but it was more than fun. I felt fulfilled though we were scolded by a grumpy woman, I almost entered the mall using the exit door in front of other people, Rina left her step-in while walking, and we did not notice that the escalator we set foot on to go up are actually going down, in short... we acted like stooges.

2006-01-07T16:47:00.000+08:00

Even ourselves can't see who we are.

I do not see myself under the glimmering twists of my weirdly fancy way of believing while living life anymore, -the context of luxury is not included.

Well, maybe I still do see me as someone different from many other people my age, but I now doubt.

Seeing people having false beliefs regarding themselves is a fact that gave me doubts.

They are the kind of people who believe that they are a certain image that somewhat is their opposite.

And it scary to think that I maybe one of them.

I think that it would be much better that I think of myself in an uglier (do not take this literally) picture of who I really am, rather than I catch myself one day sighing with affection to the reality that is actually less than the portrait my conception gave birth to.

It is frustrating that I can't get this out using my mouth any better than how my fingers do it.

(I am starting to feel the verge of tears coming out of my ducts.)

Many people believe that nobody could see them as how good they see themselves, but hey...

Sometimes even ourselves can't see who we are... this not cynicism but a pinch of life I know.

Realities are sometimes hard to see, because false things are sometimes better looking.

There are instances that I go on prancing with what I find great under the context of my existence, but as the lights begin to die, I vomit what I celebrated about.

Maybe, I just don't see myself as good as how the past does. But also, the sight could be vague. Fragile realities.

I forgot the philosopher who said about his unaffirmation about the existence of our ego, but now, I am draping down to its pavements.

I do not know the exact details of my ego, I am not sure who does, and I am thinking that maybe it isn't real.

(Thoughts stirring and I am going to get confused, too confused any time soon.)

***
I have this tendency to adapt with the idea of people about me. I have this fear to give new sides. It sucks.

E.g: To those who know me as a zealous one from the beginning, I am always so in need of an energy outlet when I talk to them.

I look like what you think of me, though I have different sides. It is not a matter of you having a different brain from the others, but it is just that I don't want people to get uncomfortable experiencing something they don't know that exists.

2006-01-05T18:09:00.000+08:00

The internet is such a entrancing conjunction of miniscule parts. I just toasted Spam.

Nobody can leave me responsibilities inside the kitchen whenever I'm online, otherwise everything will burn.

***

Gaaaaw. So cliche.

I see some burn-outs, I included.

Eyes rolling at your back, thoughts circling and causing more things to stir, with additional anti-stress defense.

The beginning could be beautiful but as it flows, nah. Fangs would start to come out.

In a group, it happens that we dig in to some other's intangible existence, theorizing and sharing revelations that ruin... while the other one's not looking.

Human nature.

Human nature.

We all get bored once in a while.

We are not made of singular parts and sides. There could be a part that plays hide and seek with the external world.

We do get bored.

We ask for more whenever things seem small, and do things for some silly, pubescent expansion, that seemingly, when thought of, shrinks us more.

We do things to compensate with our own loss.

Bite.

We love to bite once in a while, because we get bored, and we don't know any better(yet).

2006-01-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

Even my internet connection lies. Sometimes, a 40+ connection goes faster than a 53.5 kbps connection.

***

Any way, I have nothing to say for this very moment but tomorrow is our last happy day. No more afternoon delights, allured by the orangey splat of Nickolodeon. No more channel 45 on siesta hours.

Hello hell! (that's bad, but... let's not take hell seriously for now.)

I should be doing my Statistics problem set, but I'll procrastinate. I just hope that I'd really do it.

***

Browsing last night... I was faced to a hideous monster. But, that I should get over.

***

Let's talk BEAUTIFUL!

Myriads of people could agree that Georgina Wilson is really pretty. But too bad, voyeurs are laughing their hormonal rages off on a website that has her photos. Stupid people.

One thing that's weird (but not really) is the fact that most of the males enjoy sexual thoughts A LOT.

They could get away with their imagination and pornographic memories.

I understand that they think such thoughts, I am no conservative momma (hey, I'm no momma.). But some thoughts should be kept from drawing on the sides and points of their fingers and their throats.

SAY HI TO MORALITY. Better get acquianted with that, guilty bastards of doing things socially and morale-wise offending.

2006-01-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

Satisfaction does not really suffice on my idea of doing something I see as fun.

New year.

Sheesh.

Scary. Paranoia is in town again!

I do not wish to deteriorate in any way, folks.

Need to practice: My english verbalizations, writing, and unobscured thoughts.

Anyway, we conversed a little about my college plans and things after.

It was suggested that I take Advertising for reasons like it pays high and it's a cool job that could take me to different places.

But, I am not satisfied with just the simple idea of earning lots of moolah. Being a succesful person does not give an automatic reality of being able to live a life of meaning.

Honestly, I'd like to help. I'd like to do something that has social significance.

I really like writing, above all the things I learn at school, Psychology comes close to my greatest interest (or it shares the same level as my liking for writing), but I thought of how much I could contribute to the people succumbing in the bogs of ignorance and hunger. How much direct contributions could I give for the good of the people through writing? Well, I know it is important, but I'd like to give some help more directly with my earned knowledge. I do not intend to offend.

Satisfaction does not really suffice on my idea of doing something I see as fun.

I'd really like to help.

Psychology is a very appropriate field to study for I am planning to build an unconventional school someday.

When I was a still a fifth grader, I was already reading a Psychology book. I think I was also already aware of the states like imbecility. I knew already about pterodactility (and now it is vague) and am not oblivious about ink blot tests.

One thing thing that could hinder this fresh pursuit is my wanting to have a really fun college life. But heck, what do I know about college?

I was also thinking about taking Psychiatry, but I don't want to study for an excess of 6 years or whatever in college.

***

New year. New year. I will not drown. I will not fall.

***
Kwento lang.
Hindi ako nakabili ng CD ng iItchyworms dahil ubos na sa Tower Records. Hindi pako gumagawa ng matinong tula. Nag-eliminate nako muli sa aking mga gawa. Isang ekis para sa hindi kaaya-aya.
Nabaliw-baliw ako dahil hindi ko matandaan ang title ng bagong bandang ang pangalan ay 'Rocksteddy'. Ayan alam ko na. Antagal ko ding hinanap sa internet kung anu ang pangalan ng banda dahil 'teddy' lang ang natandaan ko at ang kantang 'Deadma' at 'Gising Na'. Baka dapat akong bumili. Mukhang maganda. Ang galing ko magresearch. andame kong natutuklasan.
Magingat kayo sa mga sinusulat niyo.
Isa pa... Wala pa kong nagagawa sa Statistics problem set dahil hindi ko alam kung pano sagutan. But I'll try. Shet.

2005-12-31T17:18:00.000+08:00

I write in this language because I am aware of the fact that being able to do unnatural things in a not so sucky manner could subterfuge thoughts.

But since this is getting more detrimental than it should be, I would have blog language uniformity inconsistency. Haha!

I do this to prove something.

Writing in English and noticing minor errors give me anxiety attacks. I could do this to train myself, but it's not doing me lots of good.

So, to avoid paranoia, anxiety attacks and time wastage...

English entries wouldn't be constant.

Nobody could really give a damn about my entries, but in my head I feel harassed. Haha!

I can make sense by writing in tagalog, too.

Haha.

Note: I never practiced plagiarism. Take my blog errors as proof. Haha!

***

Isa lang ang hindi ko matatanggap bilang isang adek-adek na blogger. English man o tagalog ang entry: AYOKONG MAGPOST NG KUNG ANONG BAGAY NANG NI ISANG SENTENCE EH WALANG EXISTENCE RELATED SENSE.

(So, ngayon ako magsisimula. Grabeh, ang bloglife ay sineseryoso ko.)

Natural lang naman ang aking naging aksyon bilang isang tao. Pero hindi yun isang excuse.

Oo, ginagamit ko ang ingles para mag mukhang mas may kwenta dahil sa insecure akong tao.

Nakikipaglokohan ako sa sarili ko.

Pero at dahil eto ang totoo...

Kahit pagbalibaliktarin ko ang mundo, hindi ko makokontrol ang makikita ng mga mata niyo at tatakbo sa isip niyo. Eh pano, sa inyo yan eh.

Parang sinabi ni Imelda Marcos kay Boy Abunda kagabi, pero malay ko kung nagdradrama lang siya.

At wala naman talaga kayong pakealam bilang isang tao. Parang, 'Eh ano naman kung alam niya yun?.'

Sa kung ano mang isipin niyo, will I get benefits?

We must not give much damn about what people would think. The more we think of what goes on inside the heads of the earthlings, the more we become hindered.

(And I can't stop the colonial mentality! MICAH! Tagalog kung tagalog!)

As a member of the society, hindi naten maiiwasan na isaalang alang ang iisipin ng ibang tao dahil #1: We coexist with them.

By writing that 'we shouldn't give a damn about what they think.' I didn't mean that we should let go of the values established in a certain society. Still, we have to abide. In situations that are self growth hindering should we dismiss the idea of acting like an ancient Greek statue pondering sooo hard about what they would think.

**

Hindi ko gusto ang new year dahil napaka delikado.

Eto ay isang kwento mula kay Jed:

May lasing daw sa kanila, tapos may isang aso. Ung Sinturon ni Hudas tinali sa buntot nung aso.

Ako naman, umaasa pa ang utak ko na baka nagsurvive yung kawawang askal. Pero hindi, nalasog-lasog siya. Dead-o.

2005-12-30T15:40:00.000+08:00

shark face.fish face?dragon face.cat face. puppy face.

click the photos for a larger size.

(The main writing is on the latter part of this entry.)

Honestly, do you think I'm stupid/dumb? Do you think my writing sucks? Tell me. I'll appreciate it. I must get over my paranoia or my unsettled soul due to my anononimity with my own kind. Give me feed backs about my blog or about me and my errors (grammatical, whatevur). PLS! (you can remain anonymous if you have violent comments. I swear I'm not going to give way for grudges. But can you just pls. use little euphimism or honesty with mercy, Thanks!)

Call me pathetic for not knowing the correct spelling for across and my mistakes with my prepostions. Ay, don't call me pathetic nalang.

But I love that word.

***

For quite a time, we were constantly looking above our heads. But I know the man a little. I know the one who conceived the words.

Boom. (ang olats... walang exclamation point.)

**

We have to get comfortable with our own skin.

Walk your own road, but never forget to hold the others who are struggling to take steps.

Be careful with who you look up to. Well, we could try glazing with awe for their works, but not just at the radiance of their existence and not do anything for ourselves. We have our own advantages. We have to have our own part for our own sensibility and the needs of others.

Though we can never be great and mighty as the people in and out our circle, we could do things in our own way.

We are individuals. We can drool over in a different way; with amazement and idolization, plus our own workings.

2005-12-29T15:38:00.000+08:00

I am sooo uninspired. There is no natural high that comes accross my divine path.

How long should I be a sucky writer before I become as great as Suarez, de Ungria, de Veyra and Lacaba?

Practice, practice, and more practice.

I've got a long way to travel before I reach my own majestic peak.

***

I had a terrible anxiety attack this early, early morning... and I mean EARLY.

This is what I thought before I got into the network:

I feel like the world has become too small. Like, I just have to abide with what's given to me.

There is no growth in the connections I am in. There is no growth.

I am scared to let go of things or make some changes, for changes could result to a grave misunderstanding.

I am not good enough for myself.

When you keep things ajar, they remain small. They stop to grow.

This is a fake barrier, I know. But this limitation that I feel seems to be what could keep me synthetically satisfied.

Pathetic.

2005-12-27T21:56:00.000+08:00

***

I'm wearing panties on my head. Lookie! I've got a photo of me! I've got a very flexible face, I think it can even dance better than moi. (That pair is not mine.)

Because of those panties, I recalled my cheer dancing experience. I forgot to bring my friggin' cycling shorts for the performance when I was in 6th grade, that's why I had to wear lent boxer-like shorties.

I really can't dance well, but because of my height, the desperation of the teachers to get more girls (maybe) and since they need a female lifter, they decided to put me in the group . Like huh, upon realizing the fact that most of the cheerdancing at school include men just to lift, I was awoken that my experience was slightly odd. I was just a lifter. Oh, sheesh.

People try to contemplate and contemplate to omit the idea of a mistake.

I feel so used by my elementary teachers. Joke!

But really, contemplating becomes our resort to settle our spirits. Harhar!

This could be how their thoughts went on, upon choosing me:

Desperate teacher: Shet, she can't really dance, but we need more of the female specie!
Desperate teacher#2: The heck, Just make her lift the tiny girls. She's one humongous can't-really-dance-girlie!

**

Good thing I don't dance anymore. I suck.

*
Nights abliss
causing me to tremble.
agitated
that one day,
the loss
would be far
from the rush
of the souls that came apart
sycnchronizing
with the breath of the last
case
deepening as you crawl
creeping the creeeps.
on sweet surrender you lay
dashing
on the lush of the juice of your lips,
the trembling on your face, and the
grueling moment
inside that darkness.
quickening.
lost.

This poem I made could be just a poem. It could be something that I don't know that I know. This is what my subconscious says, -maybe.

2005-12-26T21:08:00.000+08:00

You will go to jail for:	Being caught nude in a movie theatrenaked

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Highlight the space beside the 'you will go to jail for:' thingy.

Like, what's it about my name that the quizes I take result to things that has something to do with nudity?

Anyway, for those who read about my BIG BANG THEORY ENTRY... I changed it. I dismissed my idea afterwards. And there could have been some errors. it's bugging me.

2005-12-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Like, whut?!?

The quiz I took was about the 'movie of my life's name'.

This makes sense! Haha!

***

There was this guy at Survivor All Stars I saw yesterday. He says he does not give a damn about what people think of him, since he's one big villain.

So...

I'm not that big man. Or homo.

There's just something about what YOU think that I give a shit of.

I'll talk about Freud again.

He says that we suppress some of our thoughts because the culture we have does not permit such things.

True enough.

This culture of monotony just loves... monotony.

This culture cares for what you think. What I think. That's why it's a culture! There is freakin' uniformity!

What is the importance of our culture?

Well, it gives us our own spot, keeping us from becoming nomads of the universe. Why the heck do we need to have a definite spot?

It was Goethe who said that 'A man who can't look back 3,000 years is like eating from hand to mouth.' I don't remember the statement exactly, okay.

So, I almost lost track of the topic!

Anyway, having this 'culture' thing helps one to get an easier trackback to where he or she came from.

We all have lives or path to walk to, but we can't just walk ahead not knowing were we came from, because all of what the others might just tease or tempt us with on the way could be the fake-o's of all the fake-o's, thus we get to be fed with artificial things.

We need most of the real substance in order to be able to live a life that is of substance.

Or...Whutevur. I'm too drawn to my book.

***

my biggest pet peeve is blog entry errors. what bugs me now is that some 4 or 6 people could have read and noticed my errors on the previous entry... and also the entry that i deleted due to my realization that i was wrong with my idea. i am so repulsive. pardon.

2005-12-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

So this is how I get hurt... (info. on the second part of this entry.)

Aching neck, punched like feeling on the left eye...

Merry Christmas to me!!!

Those things aren't what I am whining about, I'm not really whining but I am saddened.

Yes, saddened.

The feeling of longing for *dududu* (I shall make that a taboo on this entry, giving you a so crapped-up time reading my blog) is so zealous these days.

Anyway, I'll just suck it all up ala Scrubs.

But noooooo!

Later, I might just turn overly unrequited-infatuation-drenched. Oh, yeah.

I'll be writing a poem again, feeling the rain drops housing on my chest, -the melancholy intensifies as I drool over the sad fact!

I'd like to say, I am not yet healed. Furrrrrk urf.

How devoid this friggin' ache is!

***

Let me give you a brief description of this heart ache:

*Every single, earthly day I wake up, I go on with my life, but it never fails that I go on wishfully thinking something good might happen to fill up the spaces of my supposed to be healed hearty-darty.

*Every single day I go out of this reality I know, escaping, and going to the magnificent world of my imagination using it as a medium (an ineffective medium) to feed my frustrations with lovely poison.

*Most of the time I forget the magnificence that I posses, swooning over others' due to a bagatelle my mind plays caused by this heart ache.

...If I were you, I'll never be like how Grace Adler acted on Will Truman on the Will and Grace rerun I watched about two hours ago.

Do not dare make others feel like your refuge whenever you get lost. Refuge, yes... You only go there when nature gets mad.

Just a refuge. How hurtfully pathetic.

Hurtfully pathetic, dammit!

Sigmund Freud, a known psychiatrist (or a psychologist ba?), conducted a study about suppression of unwanted memories. You see, when you give people hurtful memories, without proper closure, they might end up big machines trying to get rid of that bad occurance. Too much suppression causes psychosis. It hurts man. Its haunting. Devious, diabolical.

2005-12-24T17:33:00.000+08:00

Hours from now is Christmas.

Watching Fairly Odd Parents made me realize that somewhere on Earth is a place where in they give food for Santa (a trifle played by the parents, ofcourse); a factual character but given an image by the elderly during Christmas Season that is of fiction.

There is one writing that I read from Saturday Super this morning about the popularity of Santa overpowering Jesus'. It was funny!

I don't know when I started to dismiss the idea of hanging socks and making wishes adressed to Santa. Maybe when I was in third grade, -not sure.

After all the amazement and boon I've showcased whenever I 'receive' gifts from the man in red suit named Santa, I probably just threw the idea in a snap... or gradually, I don't know. Maybe not, how could I just get over the idea that I lived with for so long?

I remember there was a time that my mom made me believe that the gift on their headboard was from Santa, and the letter too. She even pointed out that he used the renegade crayola exposed near it. Oh, parents! Haha!

Another writing I read this morning on Inquirer's Youngblood was about a woman's younger brother discovering that Santa's sleigh riding escapade is all fake. The kid was disappointed because the priest blurted out on national TV that the master of the reindeers is in a way, fictional (confusing! he is not fictional, but the character of sliding down on chimneys, sleigh riding etc. etc. given to him IS.).

Who wouldn't be disappointed? Anyway, this is also a matter of the youngsters' faith.

I, when I was younger than I am now, anticipated Christmas and the stuffings of my regular school sock slightly precariously hung on a stray nail. It made Christmas more exciting.

This is like, a cute manifestation of the fact that holding on to something, like faith, keeps us alive.

Again, I'd write that a thought of wanted destination helps us take another step. On the other hand, there is faith. Why do we hold on to something like this?

I won't drop what popped in my mind. I find it a little blasphemous.

We all need a brass bar to hold on to. :P

Merry Christmas!

***
Rina, Gabby, Selah... I have an idea that would pursue our meaningful plan that would beautify our existence spiritually... harhar!

Merry Christmas again folks!

2005-12-22T12:04:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure with my stand point on that. image from fusion anomaly.

I wanted to write about Al Tantay because he has a funny name, but I realized I don't really know him. So why bother?

Anyway, I'm nearing my 100th post.

This is the 99th.

Quintal posts in almost one season! (The 100th would probably come later)

***

Because of the things I read, I sometimes feel hollow. Like I am a void existence in this vast world.

If Berkeley was right about saying that we are nothing but figments of God's mind, so everything we are and everything that we coexist with is nothing but merely projections, we could say that it is not as real as we thought it is.

I somewhat do not agree, and I realized something upon discussing this with Froilan (apir!).

If everything is nothing but the inner workings of our Creator's mind, we can't really say that this isn't all real. In fact, this is as real as it gets.

My statements are somewhat vague, but really, it's frivolous to try to prove whether we really are the real deal.

What would happen then if we find out through exhasperating reasoning that we are nothing more than an imagination? Dreamlike creations?

Nothing. This is as real as we could become.

Oh, reality.

We could be affectating flesh and blood, but beyond that fact, we still are the most real state we would ever know.

I'll stop now before this entry turns into a crap collection of words.

2005-12-21T13:36:00.000+08:00

They say: Babes DO NOT lie. Nyahaha!

My cousin of 7 years of age made that for me. I asked him to conjure something about me and he did. Oh, babes don't really lie... though sometimes he does. Harhar!

There he is; posing for a proof shot. Harhar! I just wanted to take a picture of him.

***

So adorable kids are. During the Simbang Gabi there was this kid who sings almost at the top of his lungs. The day before, he was somewhat like competing with his sister, I couldn't help but smile because of adoration.

***

I was playing dress up a while ago, before I took a bath, and I was cute!

I wish Rina, Gabby, and I would go out in costumes. Rina would be like Sakura, Gabby would be Uma Thurman in Kill Bill wearing a yellow catsuit and I would be a Japanese school girl.

It is nice to live in my own world most of the time, but afterwards I feel like I've been wasting alot of my time playing with people I know inside my head along with my frustrations and/or could have beens.

***

Blogger Code of Ethics click here

2005-12-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

IF YOUR BLOG IS BORING, THEN TRY BEING MEAN!

They love pink, boys, kikay kits... and PINK! their idea of a great world? EVERYTHING IN PINK!

We were at Greenhills tiangge and we tarried for a while because Ate was choosing a shoe to buy, then all of a sudden I felt like the world was being alienated with females of the blonde-stereotype-kind!
Elaborate, elaborate...fine:

Blonde girl: Like, yeah? I bought that from Roxy for like, err only 20 dollars!
Female with an unskewed vocabulary: Oh, okay. Let's talk about Terrorism!
Blonde Girl: Terror, whut?!? Like, is that a new shop or something?!?

Gets? Well, I'm not generalizing blondes as dumb ones but I'm just using their stereotypical image as an allegory. A mean allegory that is.

Ladies passed by in front of me, talking with their cellphones and I just thought they were dumb. Hearing them talk triggered my mean part to think that way. Slick phone no brain type of girls. Haha!

I am so mean, man.

The upside (like, there IS an upside? yeeeey!) of being sterrotyped is that when you disprove the stereotypical bitch, they'll end up somewhat dumbfouned. (Yeeeey! That calls for a celebration!)

Imagine the world full of likewhat girls... Scary! Armagedon is coming to town!

***

I am such a meanie.

(A product of my need to get an ego boost)

I am just making fun out of sorts.

2005-12-20T11:37:00.000+08:00

(I just can't stick with too much optimism of my own)

Here I am again in the world of faint luminosity. Harhar!

I can't take much of shallow things. I can't. I hate it. I despise it.

I do not satisfy my sensibility of some sort.

They say confident people don't brag about the things they are good at.

Yeap! Im no Miss Confidence! I come in this world swaggerring indirectly.

***

There is this kind of pathetic people that blew us all off... (harhar exaggerating...meanie me.)

Why can't they tell the difference of a crappy-play and something serious?

Poor ones.

...but funny. poor ones but funny.

***

Desire: It keeps us going and makes us take in another air just to stay and move on.

I pray to have it burning within me. We all live though life is too vast (yet something we could handle) because of a goal or a destination in our mind.

It's something that we hold on to. With just little desire burning in our system, we live on.

***

When the going gets tough, it is nice to be reminded that we are breathing the same air with a person we know who are willing to walk with us no matter how harsh things could be.

Just thinking of the fact that I am with someone who gives a damn even a bit is somewhat enough. I may know that he or she can't provide me enough protection, but at least I know that I have someone to walk the world with.

***

Why am I optimistic all of a sudden?

2005-12-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

I was left at the wrong place.
A sojourn where in surviving recquires
playing with frivolous rules, laws and rules and laws.

I should be somewhere else.

Elsewhere where I can feed my ignorance
with words and thoughts
far from cliches and shallow.

Sometimes I feel like I went in the wrong school.

It does not fit me. I do not live with all the cliches our adviser gives us. I hate all the lack of depth many of the pedagogues show. (Oi, MANY lang... hindi lahat.)

And also, I suck at Math(where we should be good at. SHOULD BE.) and merely mediocre with the other subjects. (I was a dummy in Physics and Chemistry, but now I can call myself a mediocre student in the said areas.)

Haay. I should be in an artsy school where there is no taboo.

...But I am happy to be studying where I do. Haha! ;p

2005-12-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

Si Rina pati pututoy ng karton...nakuu! haha! joke!
People were laughing at us, but hey, they can't sit down and pose while many vicious people with gigantic evil eyes are around. Haha! Exag!

This month has been much of a contributor to my being walanghiya.

I just get more and more guts to do things.

One: I auditioned for a play.

Two: Headbanging and man-eating eyes were what I gave for our Carol Feast presentation.

Three: Posing at malls with cartons like that of Santa's at department stores, Mulawin and King Kong's movie gigantic pop-ups is not really such a shame for me and for Rina and Gabby these days.
...All things keep on getting better!

***
(We were taught in gradeschool that "he" should be used when there is no sex given in particular)

I gave in to one of man's natural stupidity; Convincing one's self of things he knows are not true, but just for the sake of being able to do an act he desires, he believes his own lie.

So what did I do?

Rina and I were supposed to meet at Red Ribbon, but she was quite late and I was feeling the urge to check myself out by looking at the sultry mirrors of the said restaurant (yes, yes, I am self conscious.).

Sadly and stupidly, I didn't want to seem like a burglar occupying a small area inside Red Ribbon just to have a look at myself.

So, I created a mirage for my own existence to make me believe that I'd like to drink an iced tea. I bought one.

Regular size for 25 bucks, dude!

I went in, -checked myself out.-Waited, checked myself out.

I spent 25 bucks just to get a look at my own appearance.

How stupid of me.

This seems to be a shallow example but men really become dunces for things they want.

2005-12-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

I have no subject to write about that could give me satisfaction... so I just made a... I don't know what this is called.

I am a man when I wrote this. Haha! A MAN! (I went inside a torpe's mind. harhar)

...I wish someone would feel the same way for me like that of what I felt for the girl in my imagination while writing this. Harhar!

***

...This is me... going inside a torpe's mind....

The more I stare, the more I know that I know less.

There she is, sitting among the trees reading Kant, Plato, St. Augustine and the like. The splendidness of her sight showered by the subtle rays of the sun has never been less than enough.

If only this is nothing strange, then I could have, -I could have gone near where that lady, such a sweet blade, that lady of fragile touch. I could be picking up the foliage around her feet. But no, if this weren't beautifully bizarre, then that would be just void.

Every crack of the leaves is music. The crisp, cacophonous swoon of leaves is the nearest speech I get from her.

Such a beauty.

The wind, oh yes the wind, moving accross our path. The wind kissing her lips, her lips, her lips.

It brings her's to mine.

The more I look, the more I know that I know less.

Drawing circles round and round on this fertile ground, I could go on and on. Every fall of hair on her face is my kiss on her lips.

*Sigh*

As she leafs through the pages of her book, my heart becomes more replete of her wholeness. So replete that it feels empty, that I ask for more and more.

More of her image. More of her presence sitting with the trees.

If only they could speak, they'd just be mute.

-Too silenced by her inevitably swooning existence on their feet.

She is not mine but the world's.

That lady swathed and swaddled with perfection.

That lady with eyes that fear.

She is not mine. But the world's.

That's what I'd like to think, for only through the world that I could go near.

It is only through the world that I hear her speak, kiss her lips and feel her kissing mine.

2005-12-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

I am fine with being sad.

I am not a wretched soul, and I am fine with the feeling of somewhat being alone.

***

As I read the enigmatic verses of Angelo Suarez, I feel the presence of ignorance.

Much of ignorance, but I am happy.

I am happy to think of the fact that once, Pete Lacaba, Angelo Suarez and other great Filipino poets were not really born with complete knowledge of the languages we speak.

Soon, I could be as great as them.

-Pushing young minds to open the dictionary and enjoy the extreme depths of my words due to the inevitable beauty of my writings' flux.

***

I'd like to have a Palanca Award someday.

Someday, sooner or later, I will thouroughly satisfy my aesthetic sensibilty, yours and many of the population.

***
"Bacause honey, it satisfies something called-aesthetic sensibility." -Gloria, God by Woody Allen

2005-12-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

The truth could be misconstrued as lack of humility.

When one is good and acts as if things do not meet a certain standard, this could mean that he, the great one, has now acquired the sharpness the advanced posses. It is not always airy words that could come accross your axis and his, unless if envy by you exists in the air you share .

Get me?

2005-12-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

People.

No accent, langguage, or nice wardobe could hide a very stupid idea to a person that listens and thinks.

I listened. I thought. She was wrong. Terribly wrong.

But hey, I am almost half her age. But she was wrong.

I was thinking, while going up the stairs... "Hindi siya papasa sa moral standards...(apparently the next statement was something I left blank for a while.)"

She won't pass the moral standards of the morale. Fuck the redundance. Get over it.

I forgot what exactly she said but it was something like...

"Kung ikaw na nga ang gumagawa ng tama tapos ikaw pa ren ang mali tapos pag hindi mo tinulungan mas mali ka... wag mo na pakealaman."

*SHEESH*

Leave the thought of people to themselves, what's important is that you know that you are doing the right thing.

Nevermind what they think of what you do, the fact that you are right is your ground, most especially if you know that the only person that does not understand your right to be gratified with a halo is the one your are helping.

Only people who do things for image's sake care for cerebral processings.

If lending a hand is at its most sincere state, then being hindered by a skewed idea is out of the picture.bothered.

2005-12-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

It's confusing to think of what is real and what is not.

To others, something could be a dream, but to some it could be a reality.

The world is full of tension of forces and dilemma.

Haha!

Why can't be dreams be the reality that we consider today?

...I want to provide an answer for this.

Reality is tangible and dreams are not that is why dreams can never be reality.

But hey, thoughts are intangible but they could be reality, right?!?

During the latter periods, people were having issues regarding reality that seem to be less intense than today.

What is reality?

I guess it is what is innate among all that is present.

But what is that innate thing?

Sheesh...

As a religious person, I'd answer that it's God. (Hey, this could be an affectation.)

As someone standing not on terra firma, what would I say?

...I do not know, or I'd rather not think about it.

Really, it is easier to just swallow things up.

But accepting things just how they are is not automatic nourishment. This act could actually undermine people and leave them feeling hollow just when they think that they are of substance. Haha!

Do I know what I am saying? Somewhat yes. I have an idea of what I say.

...Technically, I am not saying anything, because obviously I am typing... harhar.

I'd like to agree (take note of the "like" that I included) with the Skeptics for this moment that absolute knowledge could never be achieved.
***
While walking, I just thought that God is there. Up there. I don't know... but it dawned me.
***
Sa gitna ng mga matang nakatulala
naisin man ang isang tingin,
hindi pa rin sapat ang paghanga
dahil kahit anu pa man,
hindi iyo ang mahalaga.

-para dun sa napatitig sakin sa SM... haha! angsama at ang feeling ko.

***
No more fuss for melting chocolates. Nuttela is here!

Discovering Nuttella is like heaven on your table. It's an actual chocolate spread! It tastes like Ferrero because it is by Ferrero. -Sooooo gooooood!

(I should be paid by Ferrero for this.)
(Let's drown with the brand name Ferrero!!! DROOOOOOWN YOU FOOL!)

***
Blog errors bother me.

I'd correct the spelling of "hypocricy," it should be HYPOCRISY, I've been contemplating (contemplating in the sense that the incorrect spelling would be acceptable by the people who have read it.) about that for several days already.

...Depricating should also be spelled as DEPRECATING.

pardon for the errors.

I've been blog sensitive.

Friggin' blog. I wonder, how much mistakes did I have last year?!?!

2005-12-09T18:51:00.000+08:00

Doing something right, rather than doing something you want to be able to have happy holidays, days-created-by-Hallmark, and shop-conceived-days is less bothering and prevents fake laughters.

***

One time at a funeral, I was sitting beside my cousin and I sang "What do you do when you fall inlove?" he heard me and answered, "You do stupid things."

And he was just 6 or 8 years old that time! Sheeshnaks!

***

I can still remember the time when I was as big as Jeje. I was gaga for the Spice Girls and seldom I call home to squeal or cry because I left something.

Looking back, I realized that there are many things I forgot and things I overlooked.

The realization that I forget happy things bothered me a bit.

There was actually a time that I asked myself regarding our sophomore days, "What else did I forget?!?"

I don't know why I should bother to think of things flushed down by my subconscious, but the thought of missing something nice that happened once upon a time could be a bit sad.

I am confused, why in the world did I get bothered for forgetting a very simple, happy thing like the "Pieces of Me" version of Einstein-II last year and the already-buried love team of Kelvin and Mary Grace?

***

Someday, I'd wake up and out of the blue and I'd think of the bygones I am involved in as something stupid.

***

It's been a year when I first decided to say goodbye to you.

***

When I was at Kinder, I was making a big deal out of being a flower girl.

At 6th grade, I was making a big deal out of the fact that my classmate has N8250.

As a freshman, I almost turned into a gorilla after for the first time, I walked going to Quesci with my crush several meters ahead of me.

I now find grades deceptive, but once in my life it was one of the most important.

Smiles and nice words are not easy to accept anymore 'cause I can now find which are real and which are not.

When I turn...25...

Would I grow numb, overly bitter or 200% more cynical?

Haha!

Many things are becoming shallow as time passes by.

2005-12-08T18:11:00.000+08:00

A Golden apple on a fruit stand does not make all of the apples gold. FCUK.

A rotten apple does not make everything around it rotten.

FCUK.

Some people are just so proud when someone in their division gets recognized... That doesn't make all of them really great. They'd look great but that's all there will be; THE IMAGE, NO REALISM INCLUDED FOR EACH.

Before feeling proud and deprecating the image of other people, please... look for what you have contributed to the group you are in.

HINDI KAMEH BULOK.

STOP GENERALIZING, please.

***

I'm so sorry for this but I'd like to comment about what one teacher said, "It's hard to be a teacher."

I say...
It's harder to be worthy to be called a teacher.

For the teacher's day, the head of the faculty enumerated what makes a teacher. As she was reading, I was praying that those words would seep in to every vein of the mentors who are so narrow and looks down too much (not all...) .

She mentioned that a teacher sees the uniqueness of every student. Patay. Dun palang madami nang talo. Tsk.

I wish they see not only the grades they compute made by their students, but the things we could do. Some just have the eyes for flunkings.

We are not our grades. We are more than that.

...It's sad that our batch is so belittled. But we are not what they or you say. We are not the below passing rate we get.

We are not and will never be defined by the curriculum

We are not the awards we get and we don't get.

We are not defined by a Science High School.

We are what we are.

***

This is what we get because of DMX, Ragna, DOTA, PS2, etc.... haha!!!

Our fault...

But we really are more than how they see us.

***
Some might get raging fists and a high blood-pressure because of what I dropped. But it's true.

...Nakakalungkot.

EYES OPEN WIDE, PLEASE.

2005-12-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

Gabby and I at SM posing with a Santa board! (WE ACTED LIKE MAIDS ALONG WITH RINA!)

Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan...

May stiffneck.

-Rina

Due to excessive headbanging, I have acquired an aching neck.

I always am so exaggerated with my neck movements whenever we do our presentation that's why I call what I do "headbanging".

My neck hurts!

We did not get any place during the championship but someone told us that we were the 4th.

The winners are:

BEC4
DAR3
DAR4

It did hurt for a while, but I have accepted our loss because I know I did what I could and I don't think that we sucked even though there were a number of mistakes.

I was one of the most visible performer for I am near the front row and I commited an obvious mistake but...

I acted like it was nothing, I love me.

Because of the candidness of our presentation and the audition for Speech and Drama, I have become more walangya.

...I may have done a wrong move, but it's how I carried that mistake and how I performed that made me happy for myself.

***

Rina, Gabby and I went to SM after school. We acted like maids! We were using the bisaya accent and the "provincial knowledge" almost for the whole time while we were in the mall, haha!

It was fun!

2005-12-06T18:39:00.000+08:00

Zion, Me and Thea (hours before our Christmas Carol Presentation)

[WE ARE MOVING ON TO THE FINALS TOMORROW! FINGERS CROSSED! (1:00PM ok!)]

Most of the time, I'd like to think that I am better looking in person whenever I don't like how I look on pictures... But I like this one!

It's depressing to feel ugly when you see your photos. Grrrrh...

***

It's natural to many to think of things or see things they'd like to think, rather than what they need and should see and realize (redundance babeeeeeh!) because reality could suck big time.

***

I was singing the "Man on the Moon" song which I made up (*lyrics* Man on the moon, man on the moon....) because it was crescent again!

I sang louder and louder like a kid as I walk down to the tricycle lane. :D

Angkyuut ko! (NARCISSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

FCUKN' REDUNDANCE!...

2005-12-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

2nd post aguuuuuuhn!

...I was looking for sweet images that I could attach to the first entry I made for the day, but heck! Images of a blonde lady (woman? girl?) with her breasts exposed appeared on the screen! Like, eeew (hahaha! arte!).

Sheesh... the probable reason why I can't decide what to call that naked woman is that she's not worth any recognition for she has no dignity. The excessive imprudence of that woman (girl? lady? pornstar?) is somewhat enigmatic! Haha!

***

As some of you know, I now open my textbooks more often than I used to.

The downside of it is that I feel like I don't have more time for my other unfrivolous books where I can actually learn about my existence and things I really give a damn about.

I used to read 3 books in a day. But now, sometimes I don't get to read any of them. I don't even construct poetry that much anymore.

This is an example of intertwining of things. Haha!

The academical books are the pretentious evils and my untrivial books are the good ones.

I felt days ago that the more I open our school books, I become dumb about the things I should really be learning or of the things I value more. My existence. My juice.

...Good and bad could intertwine. (HAHA! EVIIIIIIL TEXBOOKS GO TO THE DUMPS!)

See, the world is complex... But it is not unfair, ok?!?

***

Some say or could say that I have a bleak view of the world.

That made me feel or conceive the idea that I am a skeptic/cynic.

Now, I think that what I write about are realities.

Reality could really be gloomy.

Hrrr, don't trust my word for that statement and I don't expect you do.

But hey...

Aren't the things I type about are true?

I am happy to be this way.

For those who think I have a dark perpective, I don't hate your idea (especially if you know that I know that you think that way about me...gulo?!?!), I actually like it.

I'd like to be viewed with a different sort of a gothic sense. :D

2005-12-05T18:00:00.000+08:00

Quote for the day courtesy of Jimbo:

BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER
HAVE THE SAME ANSWERS ON THEIR TEST PAPER.

***

Look! The Man on the Moon!

Yesterday, I got out of the house along with mama to go to church and saw the moon as a beautiful, crescent, heavenly body.

Thinking like an elementary school girl, I looked for the "Man on the Moon," I think I even hallucinated seeing a form of a male sitting on the moon like that of Dreamworks' logo (logo?!?!).

***

We were asked to do an essay about the true meaning of Christmas. I brought my cynicism to school. I made a reality based essay which seems to be harsh.

I said that the dominant thought that compells me when thinking of the said celebration is gift giving, parties, and the like. I don't actually think of it as the day our Savior was born, though I know that that's what it is about. It's just that its not the thought pronounced in my brain whenever Christmas comes.

***

The perfect Christmas gift from someone not from my clan:

Accompanying me to a nice place (yung malapit-lapit lang) to watch the sunset in silence.

2005-12-04T20:55:00.000+08:00

Hey, this is not just kwento, noh!

Har, har...

I just can't settle for a serious, unfunny post like the one below. In the coming days, I might just delete it due to irritation triggered by my discontentment(is the prefix right?).

Anyway...

Today, I realized that I had this pepemelrotti notebook containing some of the mushy details of my sophomore years. I surprised myself that I actually keep such a note-keeper.

Now I know when THE DAY really was.

Haaay.

Things are walking toward me like hi's and hello's and some intertwined with a bleak-red past. I suppose you don't get what I meant about the last 3 words of the previous sentence. Har, har!

While walking from the bathroom, I was thinking of Erpak. I sort of was making up an imaginary conversation inside my head with me telling him that I really am stupid.

I might just bite in to what I say I should be forgetting.

Mockery. This is mockery. Life is mocking me again. I am a person having a different kind stupor. How can I laugh about this without confusion?!?

Erpak. I am stupid. I am the "ewan ko nalang" that you mentioned several weeks ago.

Haaar!

TENSION BETWEEN FORCES!

Haar!

A WEAK HEART LOOMING AHEAD!

There are many things that are in need of becoming official. It keeps you from floating on air; thinking of what you really are, what you should do, or what you are to a person.

What am I to you, really?

I cannot complete a well arranged rubix cube, and you're acting like one; You are complex. I am not sure which has greater complexities, but you are hard to solve.

2005-12-04T20:02:00.000+08:00

I like bellyrubs...
(purrrr! i've been trying to upload another strip w/c has a connection with this entry! purrr....all that shows is another Mutts strip!)

Becoming a teacher and a founder of a school that would break the monotonous pedagogy abundant in our country is a dream that I carry for quite a time now.

I'm speeding up the materialization of my dream, actually. For only a little time after graduating college, I'd like to be able to build a school already, along with the birth of my other dreams (becoming a bar owner, teacher, traveller, photography hobbyist, writer, movie maker *talk about career management*).

Someone reacted with confusion when I said that I'd like to become a teacher.

It's not impossible that they react that way when they find out that teaching is a proffession that a person would like to take. Why (OK, this is sort-of obvious, but I'd still write about it.)?

1) The salary. That mostly is the semi-depricating issue that teaching is often
attached to.

2)...-can't write any other reason.

This dream is quite limited and seems loosely like an actual goal for I think of appearing only to my students when I want to, but at least I teach excellently when I am in front of them, and I kind of like to teach only in my own learning haven (a real, non-frivolous learning haven) if not in an unconventional school.

For me to reach my dreams as sooner, I have to have a 'raket' while I still am in college
to earn lots of money.

LOTS OF MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL!

There is another wall to break for this aim, the Education department in our country.
They give out the curriculum. I don't really agree with all the trivialities present in schools.

As a founder, my mission is to teach the learners of my institution the things they should be learning.
Academics will not be the main focus of the pedagogues (including me, THE FOUNDER. THE HEAD.) and the educational system istelf, but the balance of their(students) knowledge in academics, interests and their existence.

I'd like them to be liberal yet righteous people.

I'd give them time to learn Math, Science and Language. And also their talents would be honed.
The awakening of their presence as a real thinking man is an important goal, too.

As much as possible, limiting the population of my school to the higher class of the society and to the considered "smart" kids due to narrow mindedness would become a taboo.

My school (would) exist for people to receive the right or a beautiful kind of learning, whether they are rich or poor. It would live to teach what could make its students better individuals.

Sure there'll be fees, but I'd try to make it affordable for the masses.

(I sort of am a little selfish because I'd like to be the first person I know (yeah.) that would build a school like that.)

I have a great dream that I can boast about.

Being a succesful person is not just my goal, but to do good things for many people, if not a vast number of people. As much as possible, I'd like to help (really? yuh?).

...I almost forgot that I wanted to become a presidential adviser. Nevermind about that. I just want to make difference in this country and also the world for a greater perspective. ;P

Taking up Psychology would be good for me too as a teacher and founder of a school. ;P

2005-12-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

There's just this something about the aura of dusk that I enjoy in silence and by thinking of the feeling or the moment itself.

I do enjoy being alone when I've had enough time being with other people.

It has this bitter-sweet feeling with it ala Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

We were waiting at a mini playground at Xean's place. We swung, slid, and rode the seesaw. Alas! We were kiddie-kiddos again!

It was turning dark that time and that moment was like solemnly-fun-'n-scandalous(daw).

Dusk and dawn are nice moments.

(I don't think I ever really saw the sun rise, evurrr! So I hope that I'd be able to watch it soon. Also the sunset at baywalk.)

In between days or the non-extremes of the day has its own epochs.

We have our own beginnings, obviously in between youth and old-age.

Growing-up we start to fall inlove, feel the start of the cease of immaturity's reign, start a friendship, end relationships, and whatsoever beginnings and beginnings of the end.

They are all beginnings.

Feeling the moment, as if you and the world are the only things that matter, not the people behind or in front of you is most probably one of the lightest of all sensations.

...Those are the scenes that I'd like to see in the movies. Bitter-sweet.

Whatever the beginnings are, it could always end and just start anew.

I can't keep dusk in my pocket or even sunrise, but always it will always come-up in the sky. It will always be a part of the day. The week. A part of my whole life.

The ability to freeze things in constant flux and keep those moments is a thing I can never do. But those everyday circumstances, good or bad, help me stay and promenade some more in the asphalt-gray streets, sigh and make me feel that I am alive, whether it is a realized idea or not.
***

I'd love to see the sunrise and the sunset at baywalk or at any nice place. Really.
...And stargaze amidst the silence and innocent tranquility.

2005-12-01T18:21:00.000+08:00

I had a cleavage. I HAD.

How ironic. I had a cleavage when I was about 3 years old, but now that I'm turning 15 in 2 months time, I have none!

Anyway, I don't really care if I have big boobies or small ones (one on the left, one on the right...hahaha!). Models don't have boobs. Haha!

My mom keeps on telling me that the kid on the picture above is "napakalandi", heck...that's me. She calls me a former sexy/bold star's name! Hahaha!

*SWOOSH*

When I was in 6th grade, I think I thought that I wasn't really myself then. Recently, I sort of realized that I haven't really changed much since I got out of my hateful elementary years.

I still am the girl who teases the boys (not tease....tease=seduce....hnde un!) and...whutevur.

I actually thought that I wasn't this way when I was in 6th grade...tsk.

Moi just got worse!!!(???)

When I was younger, it is often that I wear costumes. My sister's gown is one of my MOST WORN WARDROBE. I call dresses "Selo-selo" for a reason none of us could figure out.

How I acted when I was a kid is quite still me up until now. The difference is that I've become quite tamer by not wearing costumes at home (but I still love dressing up) and I look less cute... But got prettier! Haha! (pagbigyan na...)

I don't think I'd change and be a full-time lady-like female sooner or later. I am happy to be this way. I am happy to be an imprudent, sort-of liberal person.

Oh, have you seen the Dove billboards? (I've seen it several months ago, actually) They have this beauty revolution that started several months ago. If they really are trying to change the perception of people towards physical beauty, it wouldn't be that easy. But it's good that they're trying to change issues. It's just that it isn't easy. For a change, small steps of transition is important. Things don't move like GIF pictures! Haha!

***

The days have gone by and now your memory has finally decided to let go of the bars that kept you in my convoluted brain. It's falling. Falling down to "forgetting".
It's about time that I start to feel this way. I'm less vulnerable with your materialized thoughts.

2005-11-29T20:38:00.000+08:00

This is the second entry for the day... go down below this and see the first one which has a pinch of substance. (guhhh.... i need more synonyms for that word other than "sense")

(the sentences are quite loosely connected)

I was about to post an entry about Simple Plan, but I think I'd seem to be a snake swallowing my own tail. (pakshit. I imagined my self having scales on my neck.)

I wish I know who visits my bloggie.

I'd like to attain balance.
I'd like to have a mock pageant and answer questions given to me on the spot.
Writing is different from speaking. I'd like to be a better speaker.

My mom told me that act like bruskly. I didn't really think the word fits the way I move. I don't look like a lesbo from down under 'ayt?!? Well, in fact... I look pretty bitchy. But I am not a BEEEYATCH.

It's 9:00 and I'm still here, typing.

I haven't written a poem for today. That sucks. I'll buy a new notebook that's alot bigger. I won;t go for vintagey notes anymore. It's quite hard to write on fancy notebooks.

I don't want to be in our Stat. Class.

The 3rd time almost came. The 3rd time could have happened hours ago. If not for Sisa, I could have sang in front of the class. That could have been the 3rd time that I am punished for not being able to answer a mathematical question correctly.

I'm quite sleepy. I'd like to type some more...

But I'd just stop and try to write a poem, while listening to lounge music.

I have finally become less insecure.

Today is quite a good day. Though I lost 50 bucks inside the canteen, at least I still had fun for the day. Though this is not so appropriate to include in the thought of this group of sentences, I'd still stick in what the host of our Career talk this morning told us, "At the end of the day, it's not what you lose that matters, it is what you've become." (not exactly, but that's the essence of what she said.) :D

Bye, bye now. I'm sleepy.

Pls. tag. Let me know that you passed by. :D thanks.

2005-11-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

Overly Analytical.

This is not me boasting, but I think that I've become OHVHURRRRLEEEHY ANALYTICUHL!

The idea all started to dawn on me again when we had a Career Talk this morning. So, being interested in the arts, we went to Advertising since it's a form of art, or is the closest one to our interests.

We were given examples of advertising styles. The host (who is an alumnus of QueSci) asked questions regarding the commercial he made us watch. We were answering on our seats and I felt like I was over analyzing what we were watching.

The downside of being an over (to anything) is that there is a tendency that we overlook the simple ideas or even the main idea.

Just like what happened in our exam last quarter in AP. We were given questions by the Department of Education which could be considered simple unlike what we actually studied at QueSci during the quarter, but heck... those simple things are things we learned back in elementary... I hate to admit it, but I think I got confused on answering that test (*sheesh* this is already a euphemistic way of expressing what my vague memory says to me).

Also, I am a cynic. A cynic. Skeptic. Doubter. Pessimist.

I asked a question during the career talk that somewhat went like this:

"How could we balance doing what we want and the things we need to do to help us feed ourselves in the coming years?....blahblah...."I want to be a poet or a writer someday, but I think it's an obvious fact that... Sir kase parang hindi na tayo nabubuhay ng gusto nating gawin ngayon, eh."

He told us that he'lldisprove what I said. And so he did.

Everyone has a place.

*Sheesh*

I love the Career Talk we had.

***

For about an hour, Rina and I just exchanged rhyming tagalog sort-of-poetic words. We called our subjects as our costumers. It was fun! We had a little time of fame inside the classroom.

2005-11-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

Gudash! Bujoink!

Hail thee for being a lazy-ass, slumpy lump of meat...

...whootie.... degrading thyself.

Multiple posts for a day is understandable, but mine is just too consecutive. 2nd post with only about a 2-minute gap.

A subconscious debate is on going (trust me... I know I used the word right, though it may seem in my sentence's thought that I didn't) within me.

What kind of blog would mine be?

I feel quite bored with it... with all the cynicism and what I call "sense".

(there are ants ruining my view.)

Whutevurrrr.

I'm inspired by a writer. Bloggers. Churvatics.

***
This is the case I am in and quite making a big deal of without actually pulling the necks of people 'cause I don't really think their butts should be included in it and because I don't really care if they don't...

I forgot.

Stop.

I'm losing my point.
***
Or...mayb e I'm happy with how my blog is.

Shit! It may just be a blog, but I find it a good way to prove to the lumpushitsbastardousexistence, the evil eyes, my (could be)paranoia's babies that I'm no airhead.

I HATE YOU!

Bullshit.

In your face envious biatches...

...hoooghaaaah...

It maybe all in my head.

PSYCHO!

...I'm a psycho.

2005-11-28T16:08:00.000+08:00

Whodat?

Feeling pa-cool right now.

I've decided to feel angsty today (and konyotic at the sametime).

So don't piss me 'cause I'm angsty. Joke!

I've got a tendency to be diagnosed as a psychotic being.

Frustrations make me imagine things and actually act them out. Scurrrry!

You might just see me in a jeep talking to myself. Hoooghash! Slap me! Slap me!

(At the back of my mind, I'm actually wanting to put some sense in this post. But I feel like it's better off that this entry would be just a senseless one. But...guhh! Let's just make it konyotik okei?!?!)

While sitting on the floor, I thought of Kant's (Immanuel) philosophy about maturity.

When would our group act mature people? When would we learn to actually rely to our own strengths?

When people are given a wall to lean on and begin to be penetrated by the oozing pleasure of leaning than standing on their own, it wouldn't be that smooth sailing when the wall crumbles. Gets?

Hooosheeesh.

It's 5:00 and I predict that later on I'd regret that I wasted time.

It's a monday and I didn't watch Spongebob.

2005-11-25T19:25:00.000+08:00

I danced "Pinoy Ako" for two times already in front of the class due to my inability to answer Mathematical questions within seconds. We were supposed to convert degrees to rad or vice versa. But heck! I can't divide or multiply given little time! I suck at numbers! (but hey, I wasn't the only one who creened hands.)

Pinoy Big Brother just has the "IT" for primetime TV. It struck my mom and even our Math teacher.

Imagine, one time due to my cowardice, I asked my mom to stay for a while with me while I browse my book in Physics trying to remember formulas (heck, there was actually a time I did that! haha!) and she was standing waiting for me so she could turn-off the lights, then came the familiar introductory sound of work stopping PBB, my mom just told me to turn of the lights and she left me. She left me for PBB!

But that's OK.

ABS-CBN makes money out of these normal people that came out of the blue. Not all of them look drop-dead gorgeous, but they could match the myriad of fans that beautiful, can't-really-act, can't-really-sing, can't-really-dance and fabricated personas we see on TV.

What do they have?

TV makes humans charming.

I look better than Racquel but I've got ZERO crowd going gaga over me nor did my uncle decide to try to put mo on a TV show thru his connections so-so years/months ago.

Franzen's rapping is worse than mine and I've got no fans, nobody makes me rap either.

What's with TELEVISION, baby?!?

Yeah, they are adorable. They are made adorable by television.

They cut the scenes of these people they call real when they are at their most real human state for it is not for entertainment and the network shows these people(housemates) to the nation when they are made stupid, making it seem that it is for making sense.

Sense? TV don't really care much for sensibility. It's all about the MOOLAH! MOOLAH! MOOLAH!

Moolah=Money=Datung

Reality TV is not much of what reality is.

It is an industry, not Values Education.

Values are such a bore to many.

If the masa is bored, then the networks would turn into bunch of nitpickers of the first years of human existence, when humans were still really hairy.

2005-11-23T21:35:00.000+08:00

Mission delayed.

It happens.

Lengthened delays of excreta disposal... that's what I meant.

Our CR is just like a little cubicle where in the drums of water, tubs (not a bath tub), shampoo, soap, and other washing and scrubbing stuffs are fitted into... and not to forget the toilet bowl; w/c apparently, has no lid.

I was about to dump my wastes for the day when I heard a noise like that of the sound done by freaky, rodent pests doing what they do best; which is scratching thingies they like for reasons I don't know.

Being quite a coward and a paranoid, I got scared. I had thoughts rushing in my mind that I might just see on our bathroom's ceiling hole attained by the removal of the exhaust fan, a hand disembodied from a body, of course. Fighting my thoughts, I had this thought that ghosts couldn't fit on a feet-an-a-half space from our CR's external top and that of the main roof's under part.

But my mind's artwork didn't help much, because I got out of the CR and decided to just write an entry about it.

Well, I failed with my mission to answer the call of nature. I failed to drop the bomb within me. I failed for today to do or work with the human's natural ability to sculpt waste in an oblongated manner within their system.

...But honestly, I didn't really feel like pooing. I didn't really go in the CR to poo because I wanted to, but because I need to.

So what the hell is the lesson for today?!?

I can't really think of any lesson, but this entry really is cute, ain't it?

Heck, I really just can't settle with cuteness. There has to be substance, even slight of it.

So what the f*** is the lesson we get or I get from here?

Cowardice is a protagonist in the tale of EXCRETA DISPOSAL at times.

...that doesn't make sensible sense.

Due to the undeniable inability of mine to get something sensible regarding my bathroom buzz and my wanting to squeeze anything smart from the momentous event inside to not settle for just cuteness...

I'd just say something far about bathroom business.

People who try to say things for just the sake of saying anything and has the inability to give out words that has the least sense of sound interest are quiet annoying. I think I have this capability to identify phrases or sentences that are said just for the sake of having a reply. I really don't like it when people do that, so they better just stay silent. But silence is sometimes or most of the time offending for people, because we really act stupid. We could sometimes hate the silence for it is an effigy for lack of interest and settle for obvious fake answers. Really, I don't want to say anything of things that I don't really care about and when I feel like saying things I really don't bother conversing about, at least I try to fake it.

I hope I don't get anyone bothered when talking to me for writing about that human act.

But let's face it... people could sometimes be like dummies when we talk to them. You can't get everybody to care for things you care for. They could just stand and sit in front of you, looking at your face while you say things he or she has no idea about or has no heart to care for while drawing circles on his/her head or commenting or analyzing silently about the possible roots of why you say things like that.

We are human not made simply of ears and a heart, but a mind of interests and issues.

I'd also like to add that when a certain issue is something I'm really not in the mood for discussion, I can't say anything smart about it. I wish I could at all costs, but I just can't. I'll just sit, listen, smile while brains work in front of me and react silently of their unfrivolous ideas while thinking of something I could butt in that I know or have a say about in the conversation and while trying to fight the elemental forces of bad ideas that I am not of high intellect for not having an opinion of what the others are talking about. I do that almost at the same time, or not.

(And I'm just gonna drop my e.coli conceived babies tomorrow, or later when my mother gets in, or when I get brave tonight.)

2005-11-22T17:08:00.000+08:00

ayoko na muna ng ganian...icky!

I made a poem which could be regarded as bastos, but the heck... It's good, cute and funny! I did this at school while the people were discussing about our project in Physics. Only Katrina read this...

Three o'clock habit

Lip locking bastards
really do love tongues rolling
inside their mouth. They would use their gonads soon.
It is day,
3:00 in the afternoon, to be exact.
How Ironic.
They commit sensual pleasure
exactly the same time
the three o'clock habit starts
and they finish with a quick lick
and a hard pinch.
Fuck!
"One more round!"
she screams.
They start again
and might end
just when another
prayer starts.

And now both they dress
with a matching "AMEN!"

***

I don't want to have a boyfriend anymore.

Aside from the fact that no one's courting me at present, I just find it quite icky.

I arrived at school early this morning and saw upon walking on my way to our building a Scientian couple. It's not that I'm against their relationship, because I don't really care even if they concieve a child tommorow (but that would be a good buzz). It was just ICKY! They are not icky-yucky, but thinking of myself having a boyfriend at this age is icky!

A former Scientian commented on what I said regarding my wanting to cry for boys when I get older with my girlfriends like what I see on movies(sounds stupid...dont take it too seriously). That person said that wala akong balak mag first and last.

It's not that wala akong balak, I just know that relationships at a young age has a small possibility to last forever.

Like duh! There are still lots of people to meet and more things to learn and realize.

Actually, I think I have the inability to stay in a relationship or a commitment. Not that I've been there already, I just have a quite strong feeling.

I want to have a boyfriend when I get to college, but a relationship forever?

Sheeesh. I can love, but can I do that for long?

I don't even want to get wrinkly and old! Recently I said that I'd do things I want before I reach 25 so that I could die(because the skin starts to age at 25. haha!!!) early and not get wrinkly.

(Know what, often I think of me as knowing many life issues, but whenever I look back, I prove myself wrong.)

I do have a cynical idea. A puerile one, indeed.

But if I were to have a boyfriend...

I want him to carry me after riding the jeepney. He should be inclined to the arts, has deep thoughts but not intimidating. Roman-God-looks are not necessary.

I really am not sure of what my type is... But what I have mentioned is my ideal...nga ba?!?!

If I die early and did not have a boyfriend, then I'd die a Virgin! Haha!

...Is that a ticket to Heaven?!?!

2005-11-19T09:46:00.000+08:00

Is this what you call hypocricy?!?...not much.

I got hurt for a not so valid reason. And it's making me think dirty about someone and probably my mind started to make illusions due to an ego smiting message minutes ago that is why I began to construct counter-opinions to my own.

But I fought it!

Yet, this entry is a proof that I am not over it yet.

You know what I mean about "my mind started to make illusions due to an ego smiting *(message)"? *(change it to any medium of offending stuffs)

It's like, when you get offended with someone, you start to try to think bad about that person, you start to look for his/her flaws.

Well, it is not just applicable to offenses, but also envy and the like.

.:Whootie:.

But, really, I did get offended...or simply envious of his/her(pagiingat) processings.

2005-11-18T18:57:00.000+08:00

(I sound like an ass in this entry... as what I have seen when I switched my perspective.)

You know what sucks.

...Wala lang!

*sheesh* there are mice running all over the floor. And I can't write something sensible that is writeable or bloggable to avoid issues... Oh, how blogs could cause anger. Haha!

Hmmm...

I find people who talk shit about other people insecure. Most probably, they are.

I've been hearing opinions of my classmates and silently I am battling with their self centered idea. Though it sucks, I do not deny that I never acted or I don't act the way they do at times. I confess that it is quite often that I feel that my opinions are biased with regards to people that do things that are intimidating.

But heck! *and I stuck my tongue*

I feel unhealthy whenever I say bad things. I become unhealthy whenever I hear bad things, and of things that could go against my side.

Haha, ME-NOT-BEING-A-HYPOCRITE!

I really am immature, still.

(And it is tiring that I often write or say things about immaturity. I am hating my own flow, again(?!!?).)

Once one said something about arithmetic and verbals.
According to that person, intelligence of people is more measureable when they are good at Math.

Of course, since I am not good at such, I thought she was wrong.

Well, I am quite right, but maybe with a a little touch of bias about this.

Sure, Math is a challenge, but...

It is not the only intelligence. Music is an intelligence, Kinesthetics is an intelligence, Verbals, Existentialism and the Arts are, too!

Obviously, in a world of not-so-right-perceptions, Math, Science and Verbals measure ones intelligence or mental capacity.

I was quite irritated with what she threw from her mouth and I wanted to say things. Because I'd say again, I am not good at Math and my side is aggreviated. ME-NOT-BEING-A-HYPOCRITE again!

Hmmm.

I confess, if I don't hear ones opinion about things happening around him/her, or if I do not hear him/her talk with sense or talk about something deep, especially when added up with low academic proficiency, I'd think that that someone is dull. So, maybe I become narrow about issues like this, but at least I know. Haha!

But really, often, I think that the report card is not enough for me to think that a person is really smart due to his/her grades. Some people are without sense when asked un-academical questions.

Anyway, I may sound like an ass, but I'm not.

I seem to be overly-charged today. Pardon for the statements I had dropped and will drop.

Oh, but it is essential to remember that the young is naturally confused, so adolescence should be taken into consideration. ;)

2005-11-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

I don't have anything satisfying to write... etoh nalang... isang tula na ginawa ko habang hinihintay ang Math time kanina, dahil may re-test kame at nafefeel ko na ang pagbagsak.

By the time it strikes three o' clock
perturbed failure would only be an hour away.

So why not hide on a sequestered place
and get ready for extended hours
of unuttered escapade?

...escape is only a path of doom.

The fall would come
with last words of hurrah
of "I" and "should"
and an exhasperated sigh of an idiot
who ran away from the potentiality
of the pre-determined to change.

Yet staying is still a failure
for the meat that thinks
but chooses to shove
and burry things away.

2005-11-15T19:35:00.000+08:00

In someone else's shoe.

It's not that easy to put oneself in someone else's shoes, even that now I am already nearing maturity.

One reason is that, it is natural for the young to be selfish, self centered or somewhat egotistical.

I was in a situation this morning, which I handled quite more maturely if it is to be compared to how I face things before (according to the vague memory of my old self) .

Primarily because of the things I have learned, but I have not yet mastered.

Silence.

I took refuge with silence. While being housed at its premises, I tried to understand and think of what I'd say, whether it is really right or something that I think is good.

Maybe this is a sign or a way that I take to break away from hypocricy.

One should learn to mean what they say.

Think of what you are about to say. Think whether you really believe in it.

For me, it is not that easy to break free from a quite invisible mistake.

Hypocricy kills, but is somewhat natural to man.

The humankind has this "hypocricy-potential" within them, but it is important to know that potentials are needed to be touched in order to take form.

2005-11-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

Nagawa ko noong Linggo habang nakaupo sa isang bilugang semento sa gitna ng mga kapunuan... habang nagkakainisan at nakatalikod sa chaos around me! Haha! :D PEACE, PEOPLE!

Tongues gashing
voices, -astounded.
One sits with eyes far out,
stuck in a trance
of wanted indifference.
Bent down,
this being waits
for desolation.
Desolation.
-Not simple,
but needed.
For only a day.
Desolation,
And all will be forgotten.

***
Please don't piss me. (a not so sensible post full of the word "piss"...pardon)

I could already have made 2 entries today, but they suck and they seemed unreal.

I got pissed-off twice(?) today.

Piss-me, after several minutes, I'd be back to my old self.

But puhleeeze, do not piss me-off.

Don't make me have issues done or concieved other than by myself, don't give me an ugly time by pissing me off.

A Kabbalah bracelet(-don't think the spelling is right...).

I might need a Kabbalah bracelet to keep off Evil Eyes and no one could really screw me up.

Haha! Silly.

Madonna wears it, Britney wears it, even the Olsen twins do wear it. (hanggang ngayon pa nga ba?) Oh, Kabbalah... an American trend. How I wish many of the patrons know what's it about.

Going back to the pissy-pissyness...

I find it quite uneasy to confront people regarding my problems with them. Thus I feel bad for I feel like a meanie.

You have pissed me off if:

1) I do not look at you straight in the eye for a large percent of our talking time. Or simply, I do not lay my eyes on you.
2) When you talk, I do not even bother facing at your direction.
3) When you say something regarding stuffs, and I disagree with it... I express my disagreement snobbishly(watta word..imbento).
4) When you talk, I do not stand in the circle of audience. I could face away and walk steps away or answer you in brief sentences.
5) I do not talk or join a conversation you are involved in.
6) I look blankly in one direction with insulted-eagle eyes.
7) I utter words out of the blue, w/c are quite offending if ever heard.
8) If you say sorry for pissing me off... I'd reply with: "Ayus lang yun." Or when you ask me if you have pissed me... I'd answer with a yes or "medyo."

I am quite pissed if:

1) I give a sheepish smile.

the pissy-ness has gone by if:

1) You find me talking to you, smiling... Or even without a smile, yet I show a sincere face.

You could piss me by:

1) by Showing me a freakin' insulting face.
2) by Cutting your eyes at me.
3) by Answering me in an insulting manner when I talk to you nicely.
4) by Giving me a disrespectful frown. (Sure you can frown at me, but I wish it would not be in a disrespectful way)
5) by Raising your voice at me if I didn't really do anything wrong.
6) by Insulting me for a stupid reason or for no reason at all.

I avoid pissy-ness by means of silence.

...I do not want to get pissed.

I'm not into anger.

My conscience is so active, though it I know that it could be not my fault, I still tend to feel bad. It's good that way. But puhleeze.... don't piss me!

2005-11-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

PART I: The Thin Line Between Doing Good and Being Good.
PART II: BAD GIRLS, BAD GIRLS, WATCHA GONNA DO, BAD GIRLS?
PART III: Wow, Philippines!
PART IV: Exams: Life Changing.

PART I: The Thin Line Between Doing Good and Being Good.

(uy, ako gumawa niyan by cropping newspapers! proud!)

Nanonood kami ng "Waiting" kanina... and I'm telling you, it sucks. We didn't watch the whole film.

Anyway, due to my *meta-cognition, I was able to come up with a question that somewhat goes like this:

*ability to think what oneself is thinking/feeling. (ayon saking pagkakatanda sa Report ko with Erpak nung 1styr. kame)*'

(this is for people who are really not a-goodie-two-shoes by nature...ung hnde ganun kababait...haha!)

"Which is better, BEING REAL or DOING GOOD?"

You see, we want people to act real, pero what if the real them is not "GOOD"?

Nalilito kase ako kanina eh, I wanted to be real with things happening around me, but I wanted to good or acts that wouldn’t offend anyone.

Sure, people want other people to be themselves, but once someone acts true (w/c is good) in a way that could be offending, naasar na tayo at sasabihin nating masama.

With this I could say that there is a thin line between BeingReal and DoingGood.

These issues are quite hard to balance.

You can’t be 50% the real you, and be 50% the person who does good things(just for the sake of doing good).

Neither Reality or DoingGood is by means of percentages.

Errrrr.

What is "Good" to you?

I got to have a good idea of what is "being good" for me to be able to ponder effectively about this enigma.

DoingGood is…

-doing nice things to people.
-honesty. (w/c includes being true to others and true to oneself)
-being modest.

…obviously a freakin' traditional idea.

In my world, being true is actually under the subject "Doing Good"

This could boil down to: Doing well is not always being good.

I mean, if I do a good thing which is being true to myself, it doesn't mean that I am being a good person.

(...and I got lost with my own thoughts again.)

...Mabuti akong tao, pero hindi sobra kung aayunin ang kabaitan ko sa tradisyunal na paniniwala.

PART II: BAD GIRLS, BAD GIRLS, WATCHA GONNA DO, BAD GIRLS?

Dariiiing! Naku. I like the headgear! Haha!

MEAN.

What makes a girl mean?

Smoker? .No
Alcoholic? .No
Buzz girl? .No (madameng alam na balita/ang chismis ay totoo)
Flirt? .No
Backstabber? .Yes/No
Gossip girl? .Yes/No

...A single bad thing does not make someone mean as a whole.

It is hard to consider a person of a meanie or a goodie if we do not see all his/her sides, siyempre.
But I conceive that there is always a place of goodness in people.

PART III: Wow, Philippines!

image from Saturday Super.

Naasar ako sa nakita ko sa footage na nakuha ng UNTV about the killed alleged carnappers in Ortigas.

I can’t find a good reason for them to shoot the men involved like target boards.

Do you have to shoot them like pigs?

WTF!

Wala nang laban obviously yung mga "alleged carnappers" tas babaril-barilin mo pa.

The forensic expert had said na may chance pa mabuhay yung mga pinagbabaril nila!

There was no good reason for the officers to fuckin shoot more. Wala na, they were already hanging with only a finger on the gutter.

Why shoot?

Ang masama pa, it was quite clear that there were planted evidences.

They want freakin' recognition?

Then I'll do my part in granting their wish:

Officers involved, I recognize you as one of the greatest idiots.

I think you can't sleep tight these days.

You are not happy for you know you did wrong,.

Socrates believed that people who do wrong things are unhappy. They don't know any better.

You don't know any better. You thought that getting recognition was enough. Poor you.

You now have recognition in a bad way. Not quite what you wanted.

Good work for UNTV.

Pilipinas, ipinagkalulong ka ng sarili mong mga anak.

I feel quite excited to make a difference in this world.

I want to build my own school and I am also considering becoming a Presidential Adviser.

I want change.

...But this wanting is not enough.

Our wanting is not enough.

Our voice is not enough.

We also have to act.

It’s sad that I think that I can't. I treat my youth as a hindrance, which is wrong.

Stufeed.

PART III: Exams: Life Changing.

The exams were life changing.

I haven't taken Physics, Advanced Statistics and MAPEH yet for I was absent and the Zoology test is scheduled on Monday.

But Math and Chemistry were two of the most "LIFE CHANGING" (as how Gabby described it) exams. Life changing is the same with overly difficult.

I know I am going to flunk in most of the exams, but I don’t take it too seriously.

THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN LIFE THAN TRIVIALITIES.

Pero I am planning to take academics a bit seriously again.

I want an increase of dendrites in my brain. Haha!

(Dendrites, according to National Geographic make people smarter. It could be increased by doing brain stimulating activities.)

2005-11-08T17:52:00.000+08:00

Semi-Personification of Sperm Cells and "Isang Romantikong Gimik!"

Semi-Personification of Sperm cells (at i-eepal ko si egg cell). (what the?!?!)

...Ito na ata ang pinaka-kikay kong post.

Sperm cells. Nag-iisang egg cell tapos pinagaagawan ng millions of sperm, (buti pa ang egg cell, andaming naghahabol. I wanna be an egg cell nalang! Charing!)

Masaya si egg cell... Kase ganto... Gagawan ko ng kwento ay! ng love story ang egg cell... Impromptu toh ha! Nyahahah!

Si Egg cell ay nabuo. Pero dahil siya ay alone inside the you-know... Nagwish siya kase biglang may dumating na fairy! Basta nagkita sila nung fairy sa may fallopian tube! So sabeh niya, "Oh, hey you! Fairy ka ba?" sabeh naman nung fairy, "OO, baket?".

Si Egg cell ay napaluha.

"Oh, why are you crying my ever so cute Eggie?" sabeh ni fairy na walang magic wand.

"Eh kase, can't you see ba na it's just you and me here inside the you-know-na-where!?!"

"Ah, so you want someone to come here and make lapit to you and make kwentuhan with you?" sagot uli ni fairy na wala ring wings.

"Yah, naman. And I want them to like me. Since you know, I think I'm so pretty naman. If not, make me a spermthrob!" Sabeh ng malanding egg cell.

"Spermthrob?" nagulat si fairy.

"I want to call all the thingies that will habol me na sperms nalang! It's a nice word, noh?" sagot ulit nung egg cell na ubod ng kikay.

"Ah, okei. Ako na bahala sa looks ha! Since, I'm the fairy here... Ako na bahala!"

Matapos ang ilang minutong meditation... At paguulit ulit ng magical spell na pwede na ring i-consider na voodoo. Dahil ang fairy ay napaka... "Voo-Voo" sa pag-cast nito... Nagkaroon ng lindol sa loob ng you-know-na-where!

"Shawwwwwks! What's that!?!" sigaw ni Eggie na katumbas ni Paris Hilton ang appeal at ng kanyang vocabulary.

"SPERMS!"

"Oh! Sperms! C'mon get me, get me, spermies I'm yours, c'mon and get me. I'll never be lonely, lonely, spermies! -Get me!" sabi ng egg cell na ubod talaga sa ka-flirtan.

Ta's may nakita si Egg cell. Parang tumigil daw ang oras. Kase yun yung nag-stand out sa milions of sperms around her. Tinulungan niya na yun ang unang maka-reach sa kanya!

Ayun na. Nakabuo na ng baby. At may twist ang Story noh!

...yung baby si Paris Hilton. I mean, yung old self ni Paris Hilton kase may halo itong Juris ng MYMP.

Tapos na.

Pero, don't you feel sad for them, dun sa sperms na madedeads?
I really don't, but for the sake of pagpapacute, I'd say naawa ako sa kanila. Haha!

After thinking for a while about the fact that sperms die when they don't win the race of and for their life, I'd say that it's a fine example of one way how life goes. Duhbuh?!? Some will succeed and some won't. Angkyut! Haha! And also... not all things could last. (nyak nyak! whatever!)

360,000,000 sperm cells meron sa 3mL na semen, according to our lesson in health. Jusme! Ang dameeeeh!

Etoh ang flow ng aming brief conversation ni Rina:

Matapos sabihin na 360 million sperm cell nga ang meron sa 3mL semen... ('wag niyo masyado seryosohin ang aming mga opinyon.)

Rina: Hala! Ang probability ay 1/360 million!
...Kawawa naman ang mga sperm cell, noh? (may kasamang frown pa ata...)
Ako: Mamamatay lang ang matatalo sa race.
Rina: Isa lang ang mananalo.
Ako: Life is so unfair. (charing!)

Oh, life don't hate me. I labshuuuu!

Commercial muna...

..Shawks! Ang hyper ko.
...Abangan ang aming mga larawan. Kasama ko si Philip "The Badboy" Agdeppa a.k.a Dino Guevarra, Englebert Evangelista at Rina Anna Lozada!

Isang Romantikong Gimik

..:awwww:...answeet...holding hands while making-handusay on the grass!!! nyahaha!!! I wanna make handusay din while holding one's hand!!! It's so nice to make Handusay!!! And I'm gonna lunod you with the word handusay!!! (ang harooot!) Wanna make handusay with me while lying on the grass?!?! I'm fine with the idea of making handusay, basta it's not at the talahibans ha!!! Like, with gigantic grasses all over. No, No, No!!!

Setting: Research time, mga 3:15 pm

Reporting sa Research about Chromatography. Pagkatapos, may hinaing question si Sir Diaz. But before the question was to be answered, he said (hindi sakto pero parang ganto):

Sir: But before that, let us hear a serenade by a student from Fleming.

So ako naman, alam ko na kung sinu-sinu ang iilan sa mga involved.

Basta, hindi ako. I am just a witness.

Pumasok. May dalang gitara at nagbigay ng harana. Shet! tuwang-tuwa naman ang klase!

Nakalimutan ko na yung kanta, pero ang ganda-ganda... Awwww!

Si Sir naman, pinaupo pa si girl na hinaharana sa harap. Eh di ang saya!

Tapos, siya pa ang namimilit na may kiss na kasama! Hahaha!

Haaaay, samantalang ako, nandun nanonood. Nakikisama sa tuwa, 'tas deep inside, iniisip ko... na sa akin din ay may nanghaharana!

(Mainggit daw ba.
Mangarap daw ba ng gising. Haha!)

Oh...

I like Sir Diaz! Haha! Ang sabeh niya pa sa huli-huli... na baka daw balang araw, sila nga talaga ang magkatuluyan! Oh, diba! Bongga!

Sino sila?!?! Si R.M.E and G.C.A...

OH! LOVE IS IN THE AIR!... unfortunately... it's not what the air I am breathing. (drama!)

2005-11-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well... Here I am again!

...Just to make fun of Korean/Japanese/Chinese products.

One reason why I am not fond of Korean/Japanese/Chinese products with prints on it is that often, they have grammatical errors that could become humiliating when not realised if such product is an apparel. But if they are simply tags on patweetums organizers, they could be forgiveable and a good source of laughter.

Yeah, they are cute, but these errors could become awfully discombobulating ang dulling(if there is such a word). I think such products should be checked first before thay are put on sale, since most of the patrons of patweetums organizers and the like are kids. Kids often just absorb and absorb, siyempre bata pa. Errors like what there are in exported thingies send wrong ideas to the children, that is why they should be avoided. Mabuti sana kung may alam na sa mundo, diba?

Hours ago, I saw Gabby's organizer and at the back part of it has this paper inserted on its transparent pocket:

I was quite surprised to see such a tag. The girl obviously looked like a 4th grader... Sobrang hindi bagay!

Sabeh nga namin nila Rina...

"Ang landi naman nyan! Wrong grammar pa!"

'Nuff about that. I might get bombarded with violent reactions by a Korean/Japanese/Chinese net surfer if ever one comes accross this entry.

***

Mahina ako sa Physics. Advanced Statistics. Math. Sa Chemistry na den. (Self-confessed any-number-related-weakie [new word!])]

We had a longtest in Physics this morning and I did not really bother to study for it though I planned to.

After writing the given on each number in order to get some points and after making up my own solutions... I just wrote a poem. Below is the scan of the part of my scratch paper (no pun intended) where I wrote my resort whenever I do not know what to write down on tests like what we had in Physics.

Academics

Alas!
What has dawned rose again!
Trivial it is,
yet for them
it defines
what throned
the humankind:
Intelligence.

At first I was drawing circles because I read that scribbling could actually help us improve our thinking (too bad, I know that it wont work if you really don't know what your test is about... but then I still scribbled and scribbled.) and I was able to create something that looked like a rabbit...-well other figures came into my mind, but then I decided that what i scribbled is a hand giving out a peace-sign... as seen on the photo above. Haha!( The "peace-sign" above is specially made for this entry. Nyahahah!)

2005-11-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

Para sakin daw toh sabeh ni Erpak..
pero palitan ko nalang daw yung "akin" sa ibang tao. Hahah! :D


Akin Ka Na Lang
by J. Nicolas
from the album Noontime
 Show
performed by the itchyworms!

Intro

Verse 1
'Wag kang maniwala
 d'yan. 'Di ka n'ya mahal talaga
Sayang lang ang buhay mo kung mapupunta ka lang sa kanya
Iiwanan ka lang n'yan, mag-ingat ka
Dagdag ka lamang sa milyun-milyong babae n'ya

Chorus
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
Iingatan ko ang puso mo
Akin ka na lang
 (akin ka na lang)
Wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo

Verse 2
'Di naman ako bolero
 katulad ng ibang tao
Ang totoo'y pag nandyan ka medyo nabubulol pa nga ako
Malangis lang
 ang dila n'yan, 'wag kang madala
Dahan-dahan ka lang, baka pati ika'y mabiktima ('Wag naman
 sana)

Repeat Chorus

Refrain
'Di naman sa sinisiraan ko ang pangit na
 'yan
'Wag ka dapat sa'kin magduda, hinding-hindi kita pababayaan!

Repeat Chorus

Akin ka na lang
Liligaya ka sa pag-ibig ko
Akin ka na lang
At wala nang
 hihigit pa sa 'yo
Wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo (akin ka na
 lang)

2005-11-06T09:36:00.000+08:00

Whootie! (love this word i made up out of...nowhere?!?!?)

I woke up nostalgic. *Sheesh* At just 14 yrs. of existence on the surface of the earth I already feel nostalgia.

Time moves so fast.

It's not that I hate it, but it feels like it's hard to totally keep up with its pace.

I remember the time when I was still at Sienna College. -Sneeking under the space between the gate and the asphalt ground just to get to the service area of the campus.

I even remember laying on the ground, with my lunch case as my pillow and [I] took a sunbath!

Haaay.

Soon I'll die.

It is when we think of the things that we have done and compare it to what we are now that we are slapped with the reality that time really is the best Olympic Sprinter.

As a 2nd grader ( I think) I already think about death, and the heck! It scared me. I cried over the idea, too.

The idea of nothingness is as scary as other freaky existence (for me at least).

Not that I don't believe in the heavens, but death is somewhat like a nothingness.

I have grown up. Not totally. But I did. I grew up big, fast.

A sad fact for parents. [a fact w/c is that we grow up fast]

Honestly, I feel sad for those who conceived, scolded and [for] those who are feeding us.

Because soon, they'll miss doing those things. We grow up. That is an obvious fact.

Haay. Life.

Someday, I'll bear a kid of my own. And reality will slap me again with a "Hey, see what your mother meant when she got really mad at you?" or with a "Oist! What you did to your mom, your kid's now doing to you. KARMAAAA!"

Then I'll realize that it is harder to be a mother than to just give birth to a humongous earthling who apparently was chosen to get out and see the earth through a passage way called the vagina.

*[] encloses my edits

2005-11-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

I am overly frustrated.

Epekto ba ito ng pagkain ng m&m's na may kasamang asin? ohehmgee.

Or baka, etoh ay mala withdrawal effect tulad ng mga drug addicts pag sinuksuk sa rehab since it's been weeks that I did not go out on Saturdays.

Or baka ito ay withdrawal effect ng aking desisyon na tuluyan na ngang hayaang sumulong ang bangka ng aking nakaraan?

Pwede rin ay epekto ito ng pagtitigil ko ng pang iingles ingles sa aking blog?

(Mas masaya nga naman ang blog written in tagalog.)

Any way, naisip ko nga na baka ako ay nag P-PMS...

As you know guys, yun ay pre menstrual syndrome. Pero hinde, hindi. As in no, no, no, no, no. Kakatapos ko lang.

...

I am trying to find balance in things that I love most. One is Writing.

Thinking of what I write even before, I realized that I quite suck. I hate to admit it, but the poems I wrote way back suck.

The present is a deceiving reality. While you are in it, you will not notice the quicksand of things. Just a while ago, I wrote something about my relationship with the group of friends I've been in. Honestly, the metaphor I used were marshlands slash quicksand.

The present, shows me no more than what the past does. But, most probably, that is how life's supposed to be.
...

I am one fucked up creature aiming for a freakin' recognition, thus pushing me to be someone doing things she's not really most happy with.

It's been long since I've been convincing my self that I am me though I really am not.

one word. Fuck.

This is how I have been going SOMETIMES:

Step one:
Concieve an idea.

Step two:
Believe in the idea.

I am one fucked up product of stupidity.

Plastic.

But starting now, I won't be like that anymore, or at least I'll try.

Sheet.

I really feel Clementine-like!

"I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind." - Clementine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2005-11-05T16:31:00.000+08:00

"What others think of you is none of your business."

Keep it in your head, and I'll keep it in mine, too.

I am so Clementine-like these days!

Pre Menstrual Syndrome? no, no, no...

2005-11-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

I wrote this one after watching Private I.

I kind of got irritated of the grieving mother because she has the wierdest, most emotionless eyes I have ever seen.

Her eyes are empty
like a crystal glass
in which you cannot even see.
Was there really pure sadness?
Or is it maybe,
she is afraid with what
others would think her maternity be?
A mother
at grief at her son's death.
Shot dead.
Declared dead.
She is no different
from a head with an empty socket.
Soul dead.
Empty.
Ther is nothing to see.
For everyone who'll look,
none is permeable.
So close.
Empty.

2005-11-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

Ako ay tila isang mantsa.
Idikit mo sa tela,
ay sadyang nasasanay na.
Ilayo mo sa tela,
unti unti na ring mawawala.

Frustrated. I need to get out and find an inspiration.

Everything seems to be just the same as anything else.

The words are moving in a cycle. The design moves in a cycle.

It sucks.

I have to write a poem in English. Because I want to.

It is a miracle drug.

A poem I am able to accomplish is a modest euphoria.

2005-11-04T18:55:00.000+08:00

Hay Pilipinas.

Sa panonood ko ng balita (oi pansin niyo. nagtatagalog nako sa blog ko:D). Naasar ako sa iba-ibang pilipino at pangyayare sa Pilipinas.

Una:

May pilipina, ni-rape ng anim na kano.

Anu nangyare pagkatapos?

Bigla-biglang nagrally ang samahang Gabriella (etoh ba spelling?), ayon sa kanila mabagal daw ang proseso ng kaso.

Punyeta, eh kare-rape palang eh gusto niyo ba tapos na?

Hindi naman sa kontrabida ako para sa hustisya sa kababayan nating pilipino, pero pls naman...

Kung magrarally kayo, siguraduhin niyo muna na alam na alam niyo ang isyung sinasabak niyo.

It is important that one knows not only a single side of the issue.

Pangalawa:

Sabe muli sa TV patrol na hindi naman daw dehado ang pilipino dahil sa kanilang sinusweldo dahil mas mababa pa rion daw ang sweldo sa Taiwan at kung saan saan pang bansa sa Asia.

Shet namang dahilan yan.

Hindi porket mas mababa ang sweldo nila, eh hindi tayo dehado.

Marami pang factors.

Tulad nga ng sinabeh ni Mr. Froilan Ramos sa chat, may e-vat pa tayo at iba ang presyo ng bilihin naten.

Pwede mo bang sabihin na, "Hindi naman siya nasaktan eh kahit na naputulan siya ng daliri, yung isa nga kamay ang nawala eh."??!? DUH!

Hindi porket may mas mababa, eh ayos na ang iba.

Yan lang muna.

2005-11-04T11:26:00.000+08:00

Pitong araw, anim na gabi.

Yan ang bilang ng panahon kung kelan kita huling "nakausap". Dahil sa isang panaginip, nakausap muli kita.

Sabi mo pa nga din, naalala mo ko dahil sa Sunsilk commercial. Napapangiti tuloy ako at nagkaroon ng panahon na inabangan-abangan kong makita yoon.

Dumagdag pa tuloy sa mga bagay na nagpapaala sakin tungkol sayo. Pero hindi naman kailangan eh, wala naman yatang araw na hindi ka sumagi sa isipan ko.

Nakakatuwa, dahil sa commercial, napagtanto ko na naalala mo pala ako.

Kung kelan hindi ko inaasahan eh dun ka lumilitaw.

Pero ayos lang, kase natuwa ako at tuluyang nahuli sa usapan namin ng kasama ko sa Mcdo Carpak.

Sabe ko noon, para ka talagang kabute. Pati na rin bula.

Kabute dahil biglang sumusulpot, at bula dahil biglang nawawala.

Pero wala akong pakealam kung crossbreed ang iyong pagkatao ng dalawang iyon, dahil masaya ako basta ikaw ang nadiyan.

Kagabi lang ay naiiyak na ako dahil sobrang namimiss na kita.

*para akong nagmomonologue dahil alam ko namang hindi mo toh mababasa*

Nakagawa na ko ng iilang tula dahil sayo at para sayo.

Pero alam mo, parang may nakaharang talaga sa pagitan nating dalawa noon pa. At hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin nasisira.

Hindi ko alam kung may aabangan pako sa mga panahong ito. Pero kung wala man, ayoko pa malaman.

Dahil hindi pako handa.

O kaya naman, tulad nga ng nabasa ko sa isang tula, maraming paraan para (tuluyang) magpaalam.

Ikaw na siguro ang nagdulot ng pinakamasyang pakiramdam sa buhay ko sa ngayon.

Nakakaasar lang, ang puno't dulo ng pangyayaring kinasasangkutan mo sa buhay ko ay teknolohiya, nagtapos sa teknolohiya, nagsimula sa teknolohiya at natapos muli sa teknolohiya... At noong nakaraang Pitong araw at anim na gabi lamang, ay binuhay muli ng teknolohiya.

Pero ayokong basahin ang pangyayaring yoon bilang isang simula ng naganap sa nakaraan.

Masama ang umasa.

Siguro masaya ka na ngayon at nakalagpas ka na.

Pero ako, masaya naman ako. Ang pinagkaiba lang, kung ikaw nakalagpas na, ako hindi pa.

Hindi ka masamang pangyayari sa buhay ko.

Kung umiyak man ako o nasaktan, wala yun sa isang ngiti at pamumula ng pisngi na naidulot mo.

Wala akong gustong burahing alaala na kinasasangkutan mo.

Kahit kelan, hindi kita nailuha. Ewan ko ba, pero wala akong luhang naitulo dahil sayo, gustuhin ko man, pero wala.

Sana noon, nayakap man lang kita.

Hindi puro sa isip ang pagyakap ko sayo.

Isang daplis lang yata ng kamay kaya ko nadama ang balat mo.

***

I said it was okay,
it was.
But the tailfin
of the carriage you're in
left a wound open.
Still I stand
on red mud
waving,
feet flat,
refusing to play in the puddle,
and sighing with a smile.
Wishing with toads,
and lies
that ever I was okay
and that I was ready
that you left.

I wasn't. Still am not.

2005-11-03T18:10:00.000+08:00

Ito na ata ang pinaka-open post ko na nagpapatukoy sa kalagayan ng aking puso.

Ilang araw na akong biglang nagsasalita habang ako'y nagiisa sa aking silid... at nagbabaliktanaw sa nakaraan, pati na rin sa aking mga nais mangyari.

Pero life could be a big time teaser...

Papatikimin ka, pero hanggang dun nalang yun. O kaya, paptikimin ka, tas after gazillion years ka pa niya bibigyan ng complete package.

Drama na...

Pero whatever there is for me, medyo nalulungkot ako ngayon. Kahit na alam ko na balang araw, sasaya din ako sa aspeto ng buhay na pinagsasabe ko.

Hindi naman sapat ang pagpapantasya para lumigaya na ang isang tao eh.

Whoever says that he/she is happy to see the love of their life happy, though that someone is not by his/her side most probably is lying.

So what if I'm still a school kid at this age, may emosyon na ko noh.

Maraming beses na iniisip ko na magkasama tayo, masaya. Pero, ang nakaklungkot dun, makasama man kita sa panaginip, eh ang fact panaganip lang yun.

Namimiss ko yung mga panahong nakikita kita. Nakakausap in any way possible. O kahit hindi man kita makausap, masilayan man lang kita.

Kaya nga nakakalungkot eh. Kase sobrang minsan nalang yun.

I don't want to expect for anything. Kase expecting kills.

Secretly, I do hope for things to happen, but that is something that I could consider "just a wish", nothing more, nothing less.

I do find it quite amazing that it has been for so long already that I still have this certain feeling within me.

But amazing is not ecstatic at all times.

But in someway, I could say that I am happy regardless of the fact that most of what I could do now just to be with you is to dream.

Sa ilalim ng ulan na ito, pwede akong tumingala, ngumiti... Pero sa bawat patak ng ulan na yun, nakangiti man ako, may kasama pa ring luha ang tutulo sa aking mga pisngi. Lalakad ako papunta sa aking patutunguhan, habang nagpapahid ng luha kasama ang ulan.

Gusto kong bumitaw, pero hindi ko pa kaya. Sa ngayon, mas masaya pa rin ako sa pag gunita ng mga bagay na lipas na, kesa ang ikahon ang minsa'y saki'y nagpaligaya.

Pwedeng wala kang pakealam, pero sana lang alam mo.

Minsan sa buhay ko, sa madaming araw din sa ang ninais ko dahil sayo.

Ang mushy pero, kahit anong sakit ang nakalipas, basta ikaw.... olats na yun.

Siguro, mahaba-haba pa ang panahon na maglalakad ako sa ulan. Pero kahit na may luha, may kasama namang ngiti... Ngiti na dulot ng nakaraan, kung saan ikaw ay minsang dumaan.

I never said, "I love you," but you've always been so special.

2005-11-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

An experiment showed that rats get smarter when they do physical activities that come with brain stimulation, unlike the couch potato rats that they separated.

The rats, called the acrobatic rats, which do the stimulating activities, have 25% more something-that-starts-with-a-D on on their brain that make them smarter than the couch potato rats.

I am not sure whether the findings are applicable to humans, but maybe they are.

I read from candy magazine that studying improves the brain's work, not just add up knowledge... ata.

Now, I want to make use of my brain that has been so lazy these days. You see, I don't use it much at school. Why?

Read: Almost all of our subjects require numbers. And I really hate numbers, I don't really use my brain in those areas.

Imagine, we have Advanced Statistics, Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics... In those fields I do not really make use all of my brain powers.

(I do have a brain.)

I always think that grades do not measure what's within a person's mind, but the idea sometimes do not satisfy me.

Being a natural thinker of earthly, philosophical sorts (whatever I mean about that) is not really that enough or does not exceed what IS enough... or not.

I am struck by confusion again.

Oh, forget about the last two sentences....

Reality check...

People who get good grades appear to many people as the smart ones. Let us call the existence that think that way as the narrow ones.

For me, intellect is measured by how someone is able to grasp ideas from the world they live in. The intellectuals are those who have views in life.

Oooooh. Smart people are different from Intellectual people, in my world.

Though, we have to keep in mind that we do not always know what the inner workings of someone is, since not all people use their mouth and hands to express their ideas.

But I have to say this; real intelligence come up when people use it. -When it is brought to life.

What is the sense of having views when you do not act upon it? Or when you do not use these intelligences for the good of the other existence?

Speaking of intellect, I say that the English language is such a deceptive one.

Some people sound really intellectual when they use the said language, but if you really listen and suck what those people have been saying, then you'd realize that some of them don't make sense at all.

(But I love the English language. And I refuse to not use it in most of my postings.
It's not that I don't love our language. It's just that I know it already, so I try to hone my skills in using English words.)

Anyway, do you know that talent is the same as intelligence? I was browsing at National Bookstore one day and I came across this book about intelligence. It features Albert Einstein, Anna Pavlova (Pavlova?!?!) and other known gifted people.

The book said that most of the time, things that requires numbers and linguistics are the factors that make people think that someone is intelligent. But actually, our talents, whether in kinesthetics or music, is considered as an intelligence.

Oh! I find it cool that in England, they have this school for music. I think it is an actual school for the musically gifted. They admit children as young as 12 or 13, according to what I saw.

We don't have much of institutions like that here.

Does Juliard School of Music really exist?

Hmmm...

We have to change are wrong perceptions and be open to different ideas. The new generation seems to be more liberal and more open. Isn't it nice?

But the views of the elderly still has an effect to the youth. It is easy to many young people to get affected by the views of the adults these days. ( I am talking about the narrow perceptions of the older generation, not the good ones)

2005-11-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

It's all about the words...

"Akala mo kung sinong hunk, hanky-pangky/hungky-punky naman!"
-Rina, nang may nakita kameng mga kurimaw na pa-cute saSM
Bluegenta
-Pangalan ng pet nila Rina dati, pinaghalong Blue at Magenta from "Blue's Clues".

Dubaaaai!
-sarili kong version ng "Duh!!!", often I use it whenever I'm all by myself... haha!

Red Dragon=Danger
-Gay lengua daw ayon sa nabasa ko sa diyaryo. Isa ito sa minemorize ko nung nasa Grade 6 ako.

Variables=Barya
-Gay lengua

Punda-punda=Make up
-Gay lengua

yun lang! :D

2005-11-01T14:19:00.000+08:00

I bet you have had dreams that you thought or that confused you whether it is reality or not.

I just had one and how I wish it was true!

It was really confusing! *sheeshnsnacks*

It's frustrating that things come up to us, teasing, making us want for things that seem to be a distant dream.

But then again, life's such a bore without such stuff.

Pain or negativities are necessary for life to become lively/happy.

***

I have a clipboard posted adjacent to my table. It has newspaper clippings stuck to it, most from Youngblood Inquirer. I noticed a small space where my clipboard or thin things could fall, then one paper did. While looking under my table for the writing that fell, I was holding this paper with my mouth and it was uncomfortable. During the process of getting what fell, I was almost unsure of whether what was in my mouth is near to becoming important or sensible. When I looked at that certain paper on my mouth, I realized that it was scratch, which only has pink scribbles that I made out of my marker.

Through this small, simple event (i think "event" is not even the word appropriate enough to describe it), I learned that in life, we have to make sure that we are holding on for the right things, otherwise those such things could drain us or get the best of us.

;P winkie-wink ;p <--(ang kikay!)

2005-10-31T08:32:00.000+08:00

Finally, after months of possessing the book, "The Alchemist" I have finished reading it by past midnight.

I felt like a girl who just had a romantic evening with the love of her life, sighing, smiling, and feeling like being lifted way up high.

While reading, I realized that maybe, I was over analyzing the book. But I was happy that I've finally finished a beautiful work of art! Paolo Coelho is a freakin' god of novels!

The Alchemist is a must read.

But I feel like I don't want to lend that book to anyone. I thought of framing it. Hahaha!

***

For more than a year now, I've been collecting original Cd's. Once I bought an original copy, I never wanted to possess a fake one. But yesterday, after buying "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge," I felt regret. I thought of people starving or the less fortunate in general. There I was, carrying a flat disck worth P425. Enough to give a family a hearty meal.

But I love the packaging of Cd's! In a way, it is more practical than burning a copy. And i love packaging!!!

Last night, I prayed that I'd have the courage to do good things.

Why?

Reality check, people.

People are idiots. Now, we are afraid to do something good. I don't know why we feel that way these days, but definitely it is stupid.

When I finally get the courage to do good things, then I think it would compensate my flushing-like of money. Hehe.

My days are senseless.

Yeah, I do have fun. Yeah, I learn things everyday.

But what's the point of the fun and the learning when I don't apply it?

It's like...

Having wings but not being able to fly. (got that from "City of Angels")

Always, I talk about life lessons that I got from really simple things.

But it's SHIT! Because I don't apply it.

I don't act upon things important.

Xa cge... alis nako. My prognostication says that I'd be late again to my meeting with Rinuuh http://www.doireallysuck.blogspot.com